the truth will out

7. The Phone Call

"lalalala bla bla laaaa"
"oh my god" I whisper.
"what?" courteney asks.
"oh my god"
My heart feels like its dropped into my stomach. My eyes burn as I contemplate what to do.
It could be any kid, It doesn't mean it's hers... right?
I stutter, the phone still up to my ear, still listening to the little boy babbling.
Courteney stares at me, a worried look on her face as I sit in silence trying to find words and not cry.
"jen what's going on?" courteney whispers.
"erm..." I clear my throat "its not brad, its a little boy"
Courteney immediately understands and leans back in the chair.
"ok it was a stupid idea jen, just give me the phone and we'll hang up"
But I'm not really listening as she reaches her hand out for the phone.
I can hear voices, a man and woman's. She's laughing at something he's saying.
I quickly realise I can't do this, I know who the little boy is, I know who the laughing woman is. Just as I'm about to hand the phone over I hear disruption and scuffling on the other end. I freeze listening just incase and before I know it it's brads voice talking down my ear.
"hello?... hello who's this?
I stutter, regretting letting courteney get my phone.
"Its jen?" I say, almost as if I'm questioning it.
"oh" he's obviously taken aback and confused.
"how are you?" he asks, I know out of pity and manners but it doesn't mean anything to me... I start to feel claustrophobic.
"I don't want the house" I blurt it out as if it was eating me alive "I mean..." I sigh slowing down "I'm moving out, I'm sorry but I can't live in that place anymore... It's too painful"
I wait for him to reply, the pause is painfully long.
"but- mads please go and sit with mommy for a minute" he says obviously talking to the little boy who I can imagine is clinging onto his legs wanting to be picked up.
I feel like I was just plunged into freezing cold water. Brad talks to maddox about 'mommy' as if he's his dad.
"we spent so much time and effort on that house jennifer do you really wanna throw it away I was hoping atleast one of us would stay and put it to use" he carries on.
That should be me he's referring to as 'mommy' and that little boy should've been our little boy I think.
"well I'm sure you can move in with your new family" I snap.
I feel my throat start to close up before I feel the tears. I take a shuddering breath as my eyes close.
There's silence on the other end.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this" I almost whisper, my voice choked. I hang up and stare at the phone.
Then the anger rushes over me and without thinking I throw the phone with all my strength into the bushes at the edge of the cliff, where courteneys garden descends to the beach.
"ughhh.... Aaaaaaagghhhhhhh" I scream, not caring who hears as I let it all out. I realise as I continue shouting that this is what I've needed to do this whole time. Not meeting up with friends or meditating, just this... Pure screaming. After a few more screams they start to turn to crying as I again for the third time since the holiday, I let it all out of my system and breakdown completely.
Courteney stands up and pulls me out of the chair before pulling me into her arms and I continue sobbing on her shoulder as she whispers that it's going to be ok...