Lucius
I was staring outside my office's window, hands inside the pockets of my pants, when I heard a knock on the door. I didn't bother to turn around even when I heard the familiar footsteps of my secretary.
"Sir, they will proceed on demolishing the house today. They are just waiting for your go signal."
Dinig ko ang pag-iingat sa boses nya. He was weighing and choosing the right words carefully. Maybe he thinks that I'm a fragile glass that will shatter if he use the wrong words.
I laughed silently. Fuck it. Even my secretary thinks that I'm weak, huh?
"Sir?" untag sa akin ng secretary ko.
I took a deep breath. I stared at the two-storey house that was only made of woods. It was on the slum and the only house with two floors. Kaya kitang-kita iyon mula dito.
The house where it all started. The house that I never thought will be the reason of my happiness and heartache. The house that doesn't have an owner anymore.
Nagsimulang manikip ang dibdib ko kaya kinailangan ko ulit huminga ng malalim. I had a hardtime looking away from the house before I turned around and looked at my secretary.
"Proceed. Tell them to do it quickly." I said and sat down at my swivel chair.
I opened my laptop and read the emails and replied to all of them. Ilang email na ang nababasa ko pero napansin kong nakatayo pa rin ang secretary ko sa harapan ko. I looked at him.
"Yes?"
He looked like he's thinking if he will say it to me or not. His mouth opened then he will close it again. Ilang beses nyang ginawa iyon bago itinigil. He must've realized that he looked like an idiot. Or a fish gasping for an air.
Then he sighed. "Are you sure about this, Sir?" he asked.
Natigilan ako. Honestly? I don't know. My heart is pounding achingly kapag naiisip ko na gigibain ang bahay na iyon. But I'm in deep hurt everytime when I saw that house.
Angela... Help me choose. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost now that you're gone.
"I..." I started saying. Baka kapag nagsalita ako nang hindi pinag-iisipan ang sasabihin ay may maisagot ako. Pero wala. I can't find the right words to say.
My secretary noticed my uncertainty. He smiled gently at me.
"We can find another way, Sir. If you don't want that house to get demolished."
I closed my eyes to think straight. Pero sa pagpikit ng mga mata ko ay mukha nya ang nakikita ko. I remember the moments when we were still together. I remember her smile, her warmth and the sound of her voice.
"I love you..."
Fuck it! Damn! Alam kong kapag dumilat ako ay may luhang tutulo sa mga mata ko. I feel so fucking weak. Pumikit lang ako saglit pero nasasaktan na ako.
If only I wasn't weak, if only I was strong enough to save her, if only we haven't met, if only I didn't love her.
Then maybe she will still be here in this world. Alive and happy. Kahit na hindi kami magkakakilala. Kahit na hindi nya ako mahal. It will be okay. As long as she's safe and alive.
Fuck, what should I do? Hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin ko. This pain and loneliness is fucking killing me, devoiding my existence.
"I'll leave you alone for now, Sir. Just call me if you need anything." dinig kong sabi ng secretary ko pero hindi ako nagdilat ng mga mata. Kahit na narinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto ng office ko.
