The 65th Hunger Games - EDITING

Chapter seventeen

I'm sitting on my bed, still unable to sleep. I keep thinking about Cedar. Even if he stood a chance before tonight, the Capitol will never let him win, not after what he said. I wonder if they're going to bring us down with him. Probably. Having him as an ally may not have been the right decision after all. But how could I have known? How could anyone have known that Caesar was going to ask him this question? I blame myself way more than I will ever blame him. I probably would have reacted the same way. The look he had in his eyes reminded me way too much of myself. He wasn't only trying to pay respect to his uncle, he was seeking for vengeance. The growing discomfort inside of me makes me realize that I need someone to talk to otherwise I'm going to explode. I jump out of the bed and abruptly open the door. My heart skips a few beats as I almost let out a scream when I see a silhouette standing right in front of me. I quickly realize that it's only Viviana, but my heart is still beating really fast.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay. Did you want to tell me something?"

I put my right hand on the left side of my chest, right over my heart, as I'm trying to retrieve a normal heartbeat, without any form of success.

"I don't know, I just wanted to talk. Where were you going?"

"Iwas going to see you I guess. I needed someone to talk to."

She smiles shyly and I step aside to let her in. We both sit on the end of my bed in silence. We stay like this for a moment, looking through the window without sharing a word. Having someone with me almost helps me forget how lonely I really am.

"Have I ever told you what my father's last words to me are?" I finally ask.

"No; what'd he say?"

"Win those Games, but don't let them win you. I didn't really paid attention to it until after you said you were scared of becoming a monster. I don't think winning the Games automatically makes you evil. I guess it depends on how you win them and how you feel about it."

"You're probably right, but I know I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

We go back to our state of complete silence, looking into the horizon through the window. Suddenly an idea pops into my head.

"Have you tried using this remote?" I ask her, holding the gray object.

"No, there wasn't a TV in my room, so I just figured there was no use to it."

"Do you miss home Viviana?"

"Every seconds of every day. What does that remote has to do with home?"

Instead of answering her question, I simply press on the button and the beach appears before us. She quietly gets up and puts her hand against the window in complete shock. I stand by her side, looking at the now familiar beach. Her eyes are closed and she's breathing harder and harder, probably on the verge of crying. I put my hand on her shoulder, a move that is supposed to comfort her a little. She lets out a small thank you and opens her eyes, tears rising in them.

"It's not the same one as back home, but it's the closest thing we have."

"It's more than perfect. I never thought I'd see the rising tide ever again."

Again, we fall back into a crushing silent state, completely captivated by the movement of the waves. After what I think is a half an hour, I see Viviana yawn and realize she's having a hard time staying awake.

"You can stay here tonight if you want to, you know. You don't have to go back into your room."

"Thank you Finnick."

She smiles and go back to my bed, where she slips under the covers, facing the window. I wait for about another twenty minutes before heading to bed. I decide to sleep on top of the sheets, in case Viviana would feel uncomfortable. I don't want to wake her up to ask her if it's okay, so I just lay on my back listening to the sound of the waves until I finally find sleep, hoping to run away from my nightmares, only for them to catch me there.

I'm running through a desert, the heat from the sun and the lack of water slowing me down. I can hear the people chasing me, but I'm not able to look back to see who it is so I just keep running and running, until I crash on the ground, helpless. My pursuers catch me, I can feel their claw tear my pants and lacerate my legs as I'm begging them to stop. Someone is walking towards me, laughing as I'm screaming for help. I would recognize that laugh in under any circumstances; it's my brother's. He's now standing over me, still laughing harder and harder as a sheer feeling of panic grows inside of me. I can't breathe. I'm gasping for air, stretching my arms towards him but he just pushes them away. Then, I realize what's happening; I'm drowning, just like he did. His laugh is quickly joined by others, my assailants'. For the first time, I can look at them and the worst part is that I know each one of them. My parents, Mags, Viviana, Cedar, Adenias, Anthos and my best friend Cyprian. An evil rectus distorts their faces as they continue laughing at the pain they're inflicting me. Other people are watching too, cheering. A crowd of the Capitol's citizen is circling us, shouting encouragement at them. The water that is drowning me starts to become thicker and ticker as the color changes from a translucent one to an awful red. Blood. It's coming down my throat into my lungs. It's everywhere. I shout at them to let me die, but they won't, they don't want to; the show is too good.