The 65th Hunger Games - EDITING

Chapter forty-three

While walking, I come to a realization; the worst part of killing someone is not the act in itself but the afterwards, when the adrenalin rush is over and you're left alone with your thoughts. Ending the two Careers' lives was not as hard as I thought it would be. I don't know if it's because I had done it before or if it's because I considered them both to be a piece of trash and a total waste of oxygen, but either way, I'm no different than them now. The fact that I didn't even end the boy's life sooner, knowing too well he'd just suffer for longer, simply proves that I'm a monster too. Maybe that knowing it and acknowledging it makes it a little bit less horrible? I don't know, it's not my place to judge. The only thing I'm certain of is that I will never be able to forgive myself for doing this and that their faces will be hunting my dreams untill the day I die. If only someone else's name was reaped that day, if only someone else was there instead of me. Careers spend years hoping that they'll be sent here; why did they have to choose me? It could've been anyone; it should've been someone else. Anyone but me...

🔱

When the sound of the canon resonates in the air, my heart starts racing in my chest once again.

It's not yours; you're still alive. Your ribs hurt; they wouldn't hurt if you were dead. You're hungry, you're thirsty, you're tired; you wouldn't feel any of that if you were dead. It was not yours; you're still alive.

I keep repeating those words in my head until I finally start believing them. The girl from two must be hunting me down and she might find me at any moment. Deep inside, I hope it was her canon that was shot, even though I know that it is certainly not the case and that she's still out there. There are only three of us left now. The winner will either be me, her or whoever else is left; it's only a matter of who can survive the longest.

The heat is starting to become unbearable and I'm sweating like I've never done before. The temperature keeps rising. It feels like the hottest day of summer. I finally decide to remove my t-shirt. Since there is no sun here, I don't have to worry about sunburn. I run my fingers over my bruised ribs. They don't hurt as much as when the boy from nine kicked me, but it's still sensible. I also notice how much weight I've lost since I was thrown here. Even if I was never part of the richest people of my district, I was never this thin. Is this what people from poorer districts look like even at their best? I've never been to other districts of course, but I've seen them on video. I've also seen what tributes from other districts look like. I remember the girl from 12 from two years ago. She was barely twelve; her birthday was only a few days before the Reaping. She was so small and skinny; probably because she never once had a real meal. Of course, she didn't even make it to the second day; she was killed by her district partner, a seventeen-year-old boy. At the time I thought that it was cruel, that he betrayed her but now, I know that it's not the case. She never could've survived; he just put an end to her suffering. He did it while she was sleeping, she never even realised what was happening. Did the girl from twelve suffered when she died this year? The explosion probably killed her on the spot so I highly doubt it. Did she jump off her pedestal? I didn't see what happened, I wasn't looking at her. Maybe she gave up before it even started. She had no chance of winning. She wasn't strong, she wasn't fast and she knew nothing about survival. She got a three for her personal evaluation; I don't even know how she got it. Maybe they give her those points out of pity. No, that's impossible; they don't show any pity towards us. I guess this will remain a mystery.

I decide to take a break and sit on the ground. I've only been walking for thirty minutes, but it seems like it was more than an hour. The heat is slowly killing me. It must be over thirty degrees Celsius, maybe it even reached forty. I feel like my blood is about to boil. I eat one bag of dry meat and drink half of the water bottle. I will probably not receive anything else so I need to restrain myself from drinking everything I have left; it's probably too expensive now to send anything in the arena. I grunt when I put the water bottle back in my bag. I wish I could drink more; I'm so thirsty. I wipe the sweat off of my forehead, but it is almost immediately replaced by some new one. Exasperated, I get up and continue to walk towards the Cornucopia. I'm very slow and keep slowing down; the heat is exhausting.

Ihave almost no reaction when I hear the sound of the canon. I watch thehovercraft flying in my direction, persuaded that it's coming for me. At least,this nightmare has ended. As it flies over my head, I have to once again remindmyself that I'm still alive, that I'm still breathing and that I still need tofigure a way to get out of here. the Games are not over. The hovercraftcontinues its route and I see him grab a lifeless body in the distance. Thereis no way the girl from two could've reached that place until the end of theafternoon. Something else happened; something else killed that person. I don'thave to look for an answer for very long, I hear something howling. It's farfrom me, but I would recognize that sound anywhere. Without thinking twice, Istart running in the opposite direction, directly towards the Cornucopia. Iknow too well that I'm going to meet the girl from two there, but the idea offacing those mutts again seems much worse.