The 65th Hunger Games - EDITING

Chapter thirty-four

     As weird as it seems, I feel much safer lying right by the water than anywhere else in the arena, maybe because I know that no one is going to attack me from behind. I think I could actually get some real sleep tonight. Yesterday I was able to wake up to the slightest sound and I don't doubt that it's going to be the same thing during the night. It's less hard to close my eyes knowing that I can become open them as soon as something approaches. Plus, the Careers don't seem to be hunting during the night or walk that far from the Cornucopia. I don't know where the other tributes are, but if one of them was here, I'd probably know it by now. There were officially no new deaths today, which means we are still eight, including me. I never actually thought I'd make it to the top eight, even less doing it in three days. I can't say that I've done much to make it here; I just ran and got lucky.

I don't know if they'll release the mutts again tonight to finally see some action. I doubt it, they're way too efficient and it'd make the games way too short and just like last year, the Capitol's citizens would be deceived. They were probably just created to kill Cedar anyway. I wonder what his family is thinking. Were they sleeping when it happened? His screams are still fresh in my memory, engraved in my brain forever. It must have been a horribly painful death. One day, I hope that the Capitol will pay for that, even if I'm not there to see it. I wish I could scream it as loud as I can but that would only get me killed. I close my eyes, trying to find a way to get out of here, even if it's only for a few minutes.

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I wake up panting; sweat running down my face and my back even though I'm completely freezing. The image of my nightmare is slowly fading away, but my heart is still having a hard time beating normally again. When I have nightmares at home, I know I sometimes scream in my sleep, my parents told me. I don't know if I did, probably. The only thing that's certain is that I can't go back to sleep now. If someone heard me, I'm dead. I need to move. I hastily grab my things and start running towards the trees and I don't stop until I reach the edge of the woods. I find a bush and hide in it. My new hiding spot is not nearly as good as where I hid from the careers but the darkness of the night probably makes it impossible to detect me. I can't go further without a source of light and having such a thing would give away my position. There are glowing flowers here too so I can easily see the place where I was lying moments ago. I'm tightly holding on to my knife, hoping no one will come looking for me, disturbing the calm silence of the night. I keep looking into the horizon, waiting like a prisoner sentenced to death waits for the end. In a way, that's exactly what this is. We, the tributes, are prisoners executed for a crime that the perpetrators of the Games committed decades before we were even born. We are being punished for something that we were never able to taste: the sense of liberty. If the people that created the first rebellion knew the outcome, would they still have done it? Suddenly, I hear something not too far from me. I immediately cover my mouth with my hand, trying to stop the steam from coming out of my mouth every time I exhale. It's useless, it dissolves itself in the air before even coming out of the bush, but it gives me a certain sense of security. I wait, but no one emerges in the yet tranquil field. After what seems like an eternity, I allow myself to relax a little bit and breathe normally again. Either nobody heard me or no one dared coming to look for me. It's so cold everyone must be trying to stay as close as possible to their fire. At this point, it must be impossible to go through the night without making one if you do not have a sleeping bag or a combination. Apart from the Careers, I must be the only other one who can roam free during the night. I reposition myself, tightening the hood on my head to avoid the cold air to hit my frozen ears. I slowly open my bag to avoid any unwanted noise and grab one of the remaining strips of the sleeping bag. I try my best to create some sort of face mask with it, tying the two ends behind my head. I'm sure it's not the best-looking fashion accessory, but at least it's going to keep my face warm. I'm clearly not going to be able to fall back to sleep so I let the last images of my nightmare assail me.

My mother always told me that the best way to overcome something is to face it. However, I'm not sure that this rule still applies when the nightmare is your reality and that what troubles your sleep is constituted only of memories. After my brother died, I had all sorts of horrible nightmares, but these are completely different. When he drowned, I wasn't there to see it. I can only imagine what happened. Here, I saw everything and most importantly, I heard everything. I can deal with the traumatizing images of my allies being ripped to pieces but their screams... That, I can't escape. When I close my eyes, I can still hear them. Their agonizing cries and the frightening growling of the mutts are mixed in my head, producing a strange heart wrenching sound that I can't get out of my head. If I could, I would scream until everything became silent.

My hand finds its way in my bag and grabs the empty water bottle that Mags sent me. Before I fell asleep, I put my dead allies' tokens there to keep them safe. I hold the two objects in front of my face. It's hard to see every little detail due to the lack of light, but it doesn't matter; I know them by heart now. I drag my thumb across Adenias' bracelet, feeling each little intricate detail. I do the same with Viviana's necklace, the last thing I have left from home.

"I'll keep my promise, Adenias. I won't let you guys down." I whisper, squeezing the two objects in my hand.