Musically In Love

Chapter 23

*Lauren*

I stomp agitatedly down the hallway and find Lucy setting a plate of blueberry pancakes on the table in the kitchen. She's wearing just an over-sized T-shirt and nothing else. Lucy used to sleep in that shirt all the time when we were together and again, this specific moment gave me déjà vu.

Lucy: "Aah there she is! Come, some sit and have something to eat. After the night you had, you are in desperate need of a good hearty breakfast."

She places a clean plate in front of me and a tall glass of fresh orange juice.

I am still very confused about the happenings of the night before and it is aggravating me even more the fact that Lucy is pretending like I remember every detail. She looks like she is enjoying torturing me and it is making my blood boil. I sit down and decide to put my foot down.

Lauren: "Alright. Enough! I'm done playing this game! You are going to sit down at this table and tell me exactly what happened last night. Every single detail." I slam my hands on the kitchen table and she actually has a frightened look on her face.

Lucy walks toward the kitchen table and slowly takes a seat across from me.

Lucy: "Well, just so you're prepared, what you're about to hear isn't going to be pretty. So just take it easy when I tell you okay? I can't have you going all psycho on me today."

Oh fuck. I drop my face into my hands and take a deep breath to prepare for whatever terrifying news I'm about to receive.

Lucy: "So you had way too many glasses of wine last night. Obviously. And you literally passed out at The Grill. Like, you fell off the chair and onto the floor. Completely wasted. I was deeply concerned (naturally) and I felt obligated to look after you because I'm not the type of person to send you home all by yourself when you're in that state. George, the manager, helped me get you into a cab and we came back to my apartment. You were conscious in the cab and talking in riddles. When we got home I tried to get you into the guest room bed but you kept refusing- kicking off the sheets and demanding to sleep next to me. I eventually brought you into my bedroom and got you tucked in bed. And then you fell asleep. I took that opportunity to hop into the shower for a quick rinse off and the next thing I knew, you were butt naked and stepping into the shower with me. You came onto me, Lauren. Kissing my neck and telling me you love me? I tried to stop you and you got upset. You tried to stumble out of the shower but I held you back just so I could help you get back to bed without you slipping and cracking your head open but you thought I was pulling you back into the shower with me so you kissed me....."

Lauren: "Oh. My. God!! So you just kissed me back?? You knew I was drunk and you didn't stop me?! What is wrong with you Lucy?"

Lucy: "Listen, Lauren! You asked me to be honest, so this is me being honest! If you don't like what you're hearing then don't ask okay?"

I feel like a ton of bricks was just dropped on top of me and I cannot breathe properly or get up out from under the rubble. My head is spinning and my heart is beating in my throat. My legs are shaking nervously but I need to know the whole truth.

Lauren: "For God's sake Lucy! Just tell me what happened next.."

Lucy: "... When you kissed me, it brought back all the feelings I used to get when we kissed back when we were together. And I couldn't help but kiss you back. Things started to escalate but I snapped out of it really quickly. I couldn't take advantage of you when you were in that state. So I got you out of the shower, dried you up and put you into bed. I slept next to you but we did not do anything. I promise you."

Lauren: "You didn't want to take advantage of me?? So, let me get this straight? You don't think you took advantage of me, Lucy?? Are you fucking mental??! You kissed me back and allowed things to escalate! In the fucking shower of all places!!"

Lucy stands up angrily and slams her hands on the table.

Lucy: "Okay!!! I'm fucking human too okay!!? I have feelings too! God forbid I don't have a heart of stone and I actually am allowed to feel some type of way. Or act on impulse. Or make mistakes! For goodness sake, Lauren! I still fucking love you okay! There! I said it!

And I fucking regret what I did to you!! It haunts me every single day. I cry myself to sleep most nights knowing I lost the person that means the most to me because of something I did. I will never forgive myself for doing that to you. Never. You don't understand how happy it made me to have that opportunity just to be around you again last night. To feel like you wanted me again. Like you loved me again. It made me feel good to get to look after you and to make sure you were okay.... I'm... fuck, I'm really really sorry..."

Just then, she drops to the floor like a limp, helpless rag doll and begins to sob loudly and painfully into her hands. I stand up immediately as a reflex to help her but then I stop. I'm standing and looking down at her and my heart feels like it just broke inside my chest. Like it literally cracked in half. There's a pain in my chest that makes my eyes fill with tears and I can't help but let them fall down my cheeks. I can't see Lucy hurt like this. No matter what she did to hurt me, she was my best friend before she became my girlfriend and our bond was something that I thought was unbreakable. Until she did the worst thing anyone could do.

Yet here she is; broken, weak and damaged. Beaten up by the mistake she had made to destroy what we had and she regrets it. Everyday. I did not know that this is what she was feeling. I did not know that this is what she was going through. All this time I thought she was proud of what she did and didn't even care about the repercussions. But, she is human after all and she does have feelings. Feelings of regret and pain. Her apology somehow felt the most sincere for the first time after what seemed like a thousand apologies since the dreadful incident.

I somehow found myself kneeling next to her on the kitchen floor. Cradling her in my arms as she sobbed. I kissed the top of her head and reassured her that I was there for her in that moment.

She eventually stopped crying after what felt like hours. My chest is soaked with her tears and she lifts her head up off my chest and looks at me. Her eyes are blood red and swollen and her cheeks are a deep rosy pink. Her lips seem slightly swollen and she can't stop sniffing. Without getting up, I reach up and grab paper serviettes off the table and hand it to her. She uses them to wipe her eyes and blow her nose and then she looks up at me again.

My nerves are shot. I am sat here on the kitchen floor, stunned. I can't believe that everything played out the way it did in this moment. A most unexpected turn of events. My palms are sweaty and I'm terrified to feel these feelings that I'm feeling but they're here and they're daunting me. I almost don't want anyone to speak but then she does and her words fill my ears like sweet resounding echo.

Lucy: "I'm really sorry.. for everything Lauren."

Lauren: "I know you are, Luce.. I know you are. You know what? You don't have to apologise anymore okay?...I... I forgive you."

I take her hand in my hand and bring it up to my lips leaving a soft kiss of reassurance on it before I stand up and help her up off the floor too.

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