Musically In Love

Chapter 7

I immediately snap out of it and my heart starts to pound even harder than it was before. Instinctively, I pull away from Lauren, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Backing up and shaking my head, I try to explain to Dinah that it just happened and I didn't know what was going on with me.
Dinah is just staring at me.
I can't tell what she was thinking and that makes me so nervous- because I always knew what Dinah was thinking.

L: "Listen Dinah, it wasn't her fault. I sort of came on to her and maybe took advantage of the fact that she had been drinking.."

C: "No!.. I mean, no.. I wanted to do it.."

Lauren looks at me and smiles, and then looks down.

Dinah is just standing there. Stunned.

C: "Okay, we need to go! I'm so sorry Lauren.."

I grab Dinah's hand and attempt to drag my stunned, unconscious best friend out of the bar, when I hear Lauren shouting after us to wait. I turn around to find her standing behind us, half out of breath, holding out a blue Papi's napkin with her number on it.

"Call me", she whispers as she hands it to me and kisses me on the cheek. I smile, shove it in my jeans pocket and guide Dinah towards the door.

We walk back home in silence and in my mind, I am fighting the most difficult battle trying to think of an explanation. Dinah probably hates me now and I don't know how to explain to her that I actually really like Lauren. We finally reach my door and I open it and allow Dinah to walk in first. She walks straight through the foyer and up the stairs to my room, leaving me standing alone in the doorway.

We get ready for bed in silence and we're both laying on our backs in bed next to each other staring at the ceiling in silence. I can feel that Dinah wants to say something, so I wait until she is ready to talk. I tilt my head slightly to look at her and the expression on her face was evidence that she is definitely contemplating something. She keeps twisting the ring on her index finger nervously and then she finally comes out with it.

"So.. you're gay now?"

I can't help but burst out laughing at what she chose to be her first words to me, after what felt like a decade of silence after we left Papi's. She turns her head to look at me at first and then she can't help it either, so she joins me in a fit of laughter. When we finally stop, we both turn to face each other. Lying there next to my best friend, I finally feel at ease. It was as if the question she chose to ask me had broken the ice. She takes my hand and looks at me as if to say, 'it's okay.. you can be honest with me.'

C: "I'm not gay. At least I don't think I am. C'mon Dinah, you know me. I've only ever dated guys my whole life, and when I say 'guys' I mean one guy. And obviously when I say 'one guy', what I really mean is that I've only had one boyfriend. But my point is, he was a HE... you know?"

Dinah giggles softly at my attempt to explain how gay I wasn't, and then she brings my hand, that she was still holding, up to her lips and softly kisses it before she speaks.

D: "It's okay babe, I understand that you're probably just as confused as I am. Maybe even more confused. And I'm really sorry... for acting the way I did. I was just in shock and even though a part of me could actually see there was something going on between you and Lauren, I guess I still wasn't fully ready to see it happen. So when it did, I freaked out a little. But, I'm really sorry Mila."

C: "That's okay, I don't know what reaction I was expecting to get from you anyway. But what I do know, is that I really wanted to kiss her. And even now, after I've come down from my tipsy streak, I can honestly admit that I really enjoyed it. I'm not sure what that means or if that makes me gay or bi or whatever else there is, but it's all really terrifying and it's all really new to me.. so like, as my best friend, could you just bare with me?"

Dinah sighs and shuffles closer to me and pulls me into her. I turn over and face the other way and shuffle back into her, allowing her to cuddle me from behind and I wait to hear what she has to say.

D: "I've got you, babe. Always. I'll be here to help you figure all of this out. I promise.... besides, Lauren is such a fucking flame!! My best friend really does have great taste in women!!" She nudges me softly in the back and we both broke into a giggle.

C: "Thank you.. for not judging me, D." I whisper before we both fall asleep in each other's arms.

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