Legend of the Potato

chapter 1 p. 4

We sat infront of the dollhouse.
"Welcome, home husband!" she greeted. " You are hoing to make dinner tonight!" She put some play-d'oh infront of me.
I start to think that Jennifer is.. a little high on maintenance.
Also, possibly, slightly a bitch.
But she is a child so i can't call really her that.
"Why do i have to do dinner?"
"Because i have been so bussy to mentain the house and i-"
She suddenly stopped and smelled on me.
"HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING AGAIN???"
Eeeh. wat? i tryed to find a answer fast.
"Ehm, no honey. I'm just tired... I .. have the smell of tired on me..."
She said angrily in a sassy voice: " Ohhh, sure you are! You're always soo tired..." She looked like she didn't believe me. Then she pulled up a fuckin breathalizer and said "You sure dont mind blowing into this then."
...
I pointed at the thing and asked " Is that a breathalizer?!"
She just answered " You bet it is! And if you blow so much as 0.01 im calling your sponsor!"
I said despairing "Hey! I'm Irish. There's always like a slight trace of alcohol in my bloodsystem."
She still looked with fierce in my eyes.
I rolled my eyes cuz i gave up " Im taking the test." and she said
"Good, blow!" and i blowed into the breathalizer. Then she made big eyes
"0.31! You're trashed right now!"
she dramatically dropped the thing and hold her hand infront her forehead. "How could you do this to me." She made a crying face. " How can you be a father if you can't even look after yourself!"
I looked dead in her eyes.
What the heck is happening?
"Now I have kids? What is this?"
She looked now a bit stressed.
" I, well... when you were in prison... its probably not yours.. im sorry"
what the fuck.
Today i woke up. Me. A bouncing  baby boy. Ready to start my Kindergarten day. I met some new people, I talked with some boys, some little boy gave me a potato.. then i met this girl  and my life was going downwards since then.
"You cheated on me?"
She looked at me with worry.
"It was only one time. I was alone..
He was there for me when you weren't."
She put her hand on my shoulder.
"Please don't get mad. We can go through this... I still love you."
then there was silence until I said:
"I want a divorce."
She said.
"I.. you're right. This isn't working out."
Then She stood up and smiled brightly. "Wow that was the most fun i had playing house in a while. You're gonna make a splendid boyfriend."
Oh right we were playing house.. christ almighty...