Sam and Colby: The House

13

"Ow!" I hissed, sitting up sharply. I'd fallen asleep but was woken up by a sharp pressure on my ankles. I looked up to see Colby quickly standing up.

"I'm sorry! I was sitting down and you moved your legs out before I got there," he said. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"It's okay," I said softly. I folded my knees up and he sat down next to me. "You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he answered. He rubbed his eyes and I stretched out my arms. He hesitantly reached his hand out to set on my knee, but drew it back before he got there as if he changed his mind. "Do...," he started. He was looking down at his nails, picking off the black polish. He was nervous. He didn't get nervous very often. "Do you not like it when I tell you I love you?" he asked.

My heart dropped. I felt a physical pain in my chest when he said that, like it had broken my heart a little. I wondered why in the hell he would ask that, then remembered that was the last thing he'd said before I told him to stop. Fuck. I shouldn't have said it to that specific phrase.

"Colby," I said.

"Yeah," he said, still working on his nails.

"Look at me," I said. He took a deep breath and let out a long sigh, but looked up at me after fully exhaling. I scooted a little closer to him and held his face in my hands. "Baby, I love you so much. And it makes me feel incredibly lucky that you love me, too. I absolutely love hearing it from you. I never want you to think I don't appreciate all of the sweet things you say," I said. He leaned back, pulling his face out of my grasp.

"But you don't. You don't appreciate them because you hate it when I say them. I just feel like I'll never be able to show you how much I love you, so I say it all the time because I never want you to forget. I want to remind you that I'm on your side and that I'm here for you. Always," he replied. I bit my lower lip, trying to think of how to tell him what I'd told Reggie. He deserved to know how I felt.

"I think that we both think I'm a different person," I said hesitantly.

"Huh?" he asked. Yeah, that didn't make any sense.

"I mean that I don't see myself the way you see me," I said.

"Oh. Well duh," he said.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"No one loves or appreciates themselves as much as they really should. You don't get to see or feel the impact you have on other people. You don't know what it's like when you're not there or how you light up a room when you walk into it," said Colby. "You don't know what you look like when you see a dog and get all excited or how you do that little dance when you eat French fries because you love them so much. You don't get to hear yourself singing in the shower while you're out in the room and get too distracted from what you're trying to do because you can't help but laugh at how cute it is. You know who you are, but I know how special you make me and other people feel."

"I...oh," I said. I was completely lost for words. That was literally the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me.

"You're my princess. You're my smarty, remember? And I'm your dummy. You can't have one without the other. You need them both for a relative comparison. You know, like you can't have light without dark," he said.

"Jesus Christ, you weren't fucking kidding," Reggie groaned from the other couch.

"What?" asked Colby, turning to face him.

"You are the sappiest, cheesiest person I know. It's fucking disgusting," Reggie said.

"Fuck off, Reg," Colby said.

"Yeah, you too. Dial that shit back by, like, ten please," said Reggie.

"Unbelievable," Colby said, shaking his head.

"Yeah. Dial it back by like, four. Ten is a little excessive," I said.

"What, you agree with him?" Colby asked.

"No. Well, not fully. I know that you love me a lot. And I love you a lot. But it makes me feel weird to know that you love me so much more than I love me, I guess," I said. Was any of this making any sense? It was like him thinking so highly of me made me think less of myself because I was disappointed that I wasn't good enough.

Colby didn't answer, just held his arms out. I shifted around and laid my head on his lap and his fingers immediately found their way into my hair, combing through it and gently twisting it around.

"Maybe if I can convince myself that I really am worth all of this love that you're giving me, then I'll be more ready to accept the constant reminder of it," I said. "Not that I don't want you to tell me you love me," I quickly added on. "Please don't stop that. But maybe lower the frequency of...," I trailed off, not really sure what to call everything else.

"You got it, baby. I'll do my best," he said. I reached up and held the side of his face with one of my hands.

"I love you Colby," I said.

"I love you, too."

He leaned down and kissed me for a minute, then let me fall back asleep for the remainder of the six hour flight.