Relentless

Chapter 62

Juliet

I wake up the next morning with the phone still by my ear, dead. I place it back on the charge and try to wake up.

I feel drained and lazy.

I lay back down and stare at the ceiling, thinking about Ashton and how he sang to me. It was calming and set all of my thoughts at ease.

I look at the clock to see that it's almost noon. I have to be at the venue at two. I pick up my phone with a smile on my face and dial Ashton's number. He answers on the third ring.

"Hi, baby girl." He says, a smile in his voice.

"Hi. How are you feeling?"

"Better than I've ever felt. How about you? How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby. I haven't slept like that in years. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"How did you remember the lyrics to that song?"

"Baby, that was supposed to be my last request. I listened to every second of it." I smile to myself as I listen to his voice. "Besides I watch every performance of yours that's televised."

"It was really nice of you to do that. I didn't expect it."

"Sweetheart, haven't you learned by now to always expect the unexpected?" I giggle to myself and hear him chuckle, only followed by an "ow" at the end.

"Still hurts, huh?" I ask.

"Not really."

"Honey, haven't you learned by now that I know when you're lying?" I mimic him. "Now, tell me the honest truth."

"The truth. Okay. I can do that." He says. "No, I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I... I don't want you to get scared."

"I'm three time zones away from you, Ashton, I'm already scared." I hear him take a breath and then he tells me.

"Every movement is torture." He starts. "It hurts like hell. They tell me that the medication will take the pain away but they don't know shit. Every time I breathe I feel like I'm being stabbed in my rib cage and my abdomen. And to top that off, nobody listens to me when I tell them I'm in pain. The only people that have brains bigger than peanuts in my life are you and my mother. Maybe Antonia, but she's twelve. I told my mom that the pain hasn't gone away and she's tried to talk to Doctor Fields about it, but he doesn't want to hear shit. He treats me like I'm a thirteen-year-old meanwhile I'm twenty three... Now that I think about it, the twelve-year-old has a bigger brain than him."

"I'm sorry." I whisper, knowing that all of this is my fault.

"Juliet, stop saying that. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I put you there, Ashton!"

"No, you didn't. They did and now they're dead. They're gone. You didn't pull the trigger, Jules. You have nothing to apologize for." I stay silent for a few seconds, my brain telling me that he's lying. "Baby? Are you there?"

"Mmhmm."

"I know that 'mmhmm'. That's your way of saying 'whatever you say but I don't believe you'."

"Why did you hang up on me yesterday?"

"I... I was um..."

"The truth."

"I was in a lot of pain and I thought I was going to die. There's your truth." He says at a rapid pace into the phone.

I hear the spitefulness in his voice and know that he blames me. How could he not blame me? I should be there right now, not him.

"Hello?" He asks after the awkward silence.

I can't stay in his life. It's going to hurt me like nothing has ever hurt me before, but I have to cut off all ties with him. Maybe then I won't feel this guilt. Maybe then he will be able to heal without me reopening his wounds and being the constant reminder of what happened.

"Juliet, I didn't mean to sound like that. I know you're still there. Please talk to me." He whispers the last part into the phone and I bit my lower lip. I have to hang up. I have to get enough gaul to press the end call button.

"I hope one day you can forgive me." I whisper. I hear him start to say something, but my thumb quickly moves over the button and presses down on it.

I throw my phone at the end of the bed and bring my knees to my chest, hugging them and trying not to lose my sanity. I see my phone light up, knowing that he's calling me back to try and instill more lies in my brain. I ignore the light radiating from my phone and turn on the television. Before I can switch the channels, Maris comes in with a smile on her face.

"Hey, hot stuff." She says, I force a smile onto my face, but she knows it's just that.

Forced.

"Alright, spill the beans. What's goin... Why is Ashton calling and you're not answering?" She asks, picking up my phone.

"Don't answer it!" I shout before she can accept the call. She places the phone down and looks up at me with a confused expression.

"What's going on?" She inquires as she sits next to me.

"I'm the one who put Ashton where he is and he is telling me that I'm not."

"He's right."

"Maris, not you too!"

"You aren't the reason why he got shot, Juliet. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because it's a lie! It should've been me! If he would've never turned around to face me or if I kept my mouth shut, I would be dead right now and he would be fine. That's how it should've been. I don't want to be a constant reminder of what happened to him. I can't associate myself with him anymore."

"That's absurd, Juliet."

"It very well might be, but it's the only thing I can think of. Let's... Let's just get ready to leave, okay? I need to get dressed." I say, standing and walking towards the closet.

"Okay, fine." Maris says, walking out of the room. I find my first act costume and slip it over my head. Finding my black high thigh boots, I zip them up as well and look into the mirror. In the mirror is a reflection of me and my lite-up phone. I walk over to it, wanting everything to end, and see a text message along with four missed calls from Ashton. Being a complete idiot, I open the text message.

Do whatever you want to do, Juliet. But know that no matter what happens between us, none of this is your fault. I love you. I will always love you.
Ashton

I throw the phone at the bed and fight back tears. I'm done crying. He's out of my life, so why cry over him anymore? That chapter of my life is over! It's time for a new one.

"Ready, Jules?" I hear Maris from outside my door. I open the door and give her a determined look. She smiles at me and I give her my hand, trying to find strength deep down inside of me to go on.

"Let's do this."

Two More Chapters and An Epilogue!!