The scars on our hearts (Yuwin)

I know this isn't right

After two weeks of very little progress Sicheng is very worried. His mind, going to the darkest of places. Are they going to pull the plug? How long is too long? Will he be able to say goodbye? Everyone has been coming in everyday at their designated times and staying for a couple hours each but Sicheng won't leave. He can't bring himself to walk out of the room, he's tried but he's afraid that's when Yuta will need him most. The hospital staff is very understanding and has even brought him a small recliner that is usually reserved for new dads. He wakes up frequently during the night to check on Yuta, he even baths him so the nurses don't have to, they only want to be present to help around his wounds. He tries to eat and get the proper amount of sleep so he can stay healthy for Yuta. He knows how Yuta was concerned for him before this happened and he wouldn't want him to be disappointed in him. Taeyong has been making sure to bring home cooked meals for him and has been bringing him his school work since he had to take another leave of absence. The school is being patient with him, knowing he's in a tough spot.
He keeps busy by talking to Yuta and reading, he also visits with the others when they come. Sometimes he feels he's on the verge of a mental breakdown but he keeps it together for Yuta.

He wakes with a start and looks at the time, it's only three am but he checks everything over. The machine looks normal, his vitals are good, his heart is beating good, but when he goes to kiss Yuta on the forehead it feels hot on his lips. He frantically checks the electronic box showing his temperature in the normal range of 98.9. It's not that unusual but his gut says something is wrong he feels his head again, his face his neck and chest, each spot feeling warmer than the next. He quickly hits the call button for the nurse as he starts removing Yuta's gown.
"He's hot, I don't know his temp but I know this isn't right." He says as the nurse walks in. She pulls out her hand held thermometer and runs it across his forehead, she gasps at his 104.5 temp and immediately calls a code blue. It's a blur of doctors and nurses running around and all Sicheng can do is wait in the corner, squeezing his fists together out of nervousness.  He tries to listen to what's going on but nothing makes sense. He curls in on himself, he's feeling nauseous and shaking when finally a hand squeezes his shoulder. He looks up with blurry vision to a doctor.
"He's going to be ok now, we are pumping in antibiotics for the infection around his wound. He's lucky to have someone who loves him like you do. If you weren't here, if you hadn't checked him he could have died. Our machine malfunctioned at some point and it wasn't caught." He squeezes his shoulder one last time and leaves the room.
Sicheng doesn't get anymore sleep this night. When Johnny comes in the next morning he can tell he had a rough night.
"Hey, what happened?" He asked watching Sicheng meticulously checking everything on him and even feeling of his head. After he explains everything Johnny tells him to sleep, that he will watch over Yuta for him. He doesn't really have it in him to argue so he sleeps.

For the next few days Yuta has stabilized and everything has gone back to relative normality as Sicheng starts to relax a little after the fever scare.
It's 8pm and everyone has gone home for the evening and Sicheng is left alone with Yuta again. He tries all the time to keep up his strength, even in front of the comatose man he loves. He can't help it when the flood gates open, he's angry and frustrated but mostly just scared out of his mind.
"Damnit Yuta, wake up please. I love you so so much and I'm scared, so scared. I know i was horrible to you and I'm so sorry. I don't know if you can hear me but I just, everybody misses you so much." He wipes at his tears with an almost frightening force and whispers to his love.
"I know you probably don't love me anymore after I doubted you and I understand. You are such a selfless and wonderful person and you deserve the world and if you just wake up. I, I will leave you alone ok? I just have to know you are going to be ok then I will leave you to find someone worthy of you." He sobs harder as he holds Yuta as tight as he can, he kisses his face and hand. He's made a decision, even if it's not the best one in reality, in his mind it's the right thing to do. He's gone through so much mental anguish since the beginning of all of this that he doesn't know which way is up at the moment.
"I'm sorry if you don't want me here, I'm sorry if I'm the reason you don't want to wake up. Just, just come back and I'll go. I love you Yuta, with all of me, just know that."
He checks him one more time and kisses his head again, he tries to step out of the room but can't. He sleeps next to Yuta with his head on his bed, holding his hand as if it's the last time and cries even in his dreams.