The scars on our hearts (Yuwin)

Epilogue Pt. 1

Johnny sits terrified, it's been a year since he's known the little ball of fire known as Renjun. They chose not to talk about their feelings at all while Renjun was still in therapy, but now that the intense two days a week has been over for a while and he's doing so well they dropped him to once every two weeks. Now is the time. Renjun hasn't brought it up in a long time but Johnny's feelings have grown exponentially and he needs to tell him. He needs to know if they should date or if he should just move on.
He has had lengthy pep talks with Yuta and is considering calling him now but when the cafe door dings and Renjun walks in with a blinding smile on his face he feels all of the life leave his body.
Renjun jogs over, waiving enthusiastically. It has been a few weeks since they've gotten to see each other so when Johnny called him up to meet for coffee he was over the moon. He notices how pale and lethargic Johnny looks and it scares him a bit.
After sitting he grabs Johnny's hands that were resting on the table, they are a bit clammy and he did notice how Johnny jumped when he touched him.
"Is everything ok? Are you sick? If you don't feel good we can meet up again another day." Johnny smiles softly.
"It's sweet of you to care but I'm fine. We need to talk actually." Renjun's heart stops beating for longer than he deems healthy but oddly he's still here.
"I've ordered your favorite coffee and cookies, I hope that's ok?" He only gets a nod in return. They've both been dreading this talk, really.
"I don't really know where to start." Johnny says fiddling with his fingers.
"I'll do it." Renjun says shakily.
"I've had a lot of time to think, a lot of time to talk with my therapist and I thank you for that. I owe you so much. You are the sweetest person I know and, god this is so hard." He pauses shaking while Johnny already has to wipe away the tears, he can hear the rejection already and it hurts far more than he thought it would.
"Johnny you were my hero, you saved me from the creeps, my parents and even myself. I admired you, I still do. I have a great friend in you. You've done so much for me without being asked and gave so much to me, that I'm still not sure if I'm worthy of it at times." He stops as the waitress finally shows up with their drinks and silently sets them on the table and quickly walks away. Johnny has a non stop flow of tears as he feels his heart breaking into tiny pieces.
"I've thought long and hard and sorted through everything in my head and I've come to the conclusion that I am not in love with you my hero." Now his tears are flowing as well. Johnny nods, putting his head down letting the hurt overtake him. Renjun notices and quickly rushes to the other side of the booth and gets on his knees in front of him, grabbing his big trembling hands once again in his own until Johnny looks at him again.
"Johnny, I love you,the person. I love the way you talk to me, hold me, carry me around on your back." He let's out a giggle as he watches the realization flow across the others face.
"I love the way you are so understanding and you care so deeply for everyone around you. That's the person that I love, that's the you that I love. Now that I've told you my truth, you have to tell me yours." Johnny grabs a napkin off the table and catches the drips coming from the various holes in his face as he looks at Renjun with an almost comical expression.
"You are the devil, why did you torture me? Did you just want to see me cry? Ugh.
Renjun, I wanted to bring you here today to tell you that over these past months with you I have completely fallen for you. I wanted to be a big man and ask you out on our first official date but I was so scared and then you almost killed me just now I don't even know anymore." He smiles shaking his head.
"So would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?" They finally hug and to see the pair in public it's almost amusing, the size difference but that doesn't matter to either one of them.
"Of course I will but you have to know that I still need to go slow. I'm not ready for anything physical just yet, and in order for us to have a healthy sex life in the future I need to be ready. I hope this isn't a deal breaker?"
Johnny didn't think his face could ever get red in a situation like this but he could feel the heat building in his cheeks.
"you've always had a way with words when it comes to sex haven't you?" Renjun looks away, embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, you may not even want to do that with me, you probably think I'm..."
When he feels Johnny's lips softly press up against his, every word he has in his head fly away. It wasn't long and passionate but soft and sweet like Johnny's personality.
"Don't say horrible things that are not true. When you are ready or we are both ready we will take that step. I can do slow, don't worry. I think you are worth it. Now eat your cookies and drink your coffee while I watch you in total admiration the whole time." Renjun glares cutely.
"You keep your eyes to yourself you big bully." Johnny giggles as Renjun slaps his arm playfully.