The scars on our hearts (Yuwin)

Is this a dream?

It's only been a few days since Renjun stayed the night, it was so nice for both of them. They got the chance to talk and Renjun finally told him about his feelings for Johnny. After the initial shock wore off he was fine with it. It hit him kind of hard at first because he's been so absorbed in his own feelings for so long he never noticed and yes he feels guilty about that as well.

As he peels himself up from a sticky, sweaty recliner he feels gross. He had a few nightmares last night, worse than he's ever had from what he can remember. He's glad he didn't yell out, it would have been embarrassing if the nurses all came running.
He sighs looking over at a sleeping Yuta, he's so beautiful Sicheng has a hard time looking away. Mornings are his favorite time, especially after a rough night like he had, he loves to wake up and see Yuta's peaceful sleeping face. Of course he wants him awake more but he finds his day starts out better if he takes the time to absorb Yuta's beauty.
'Maybe I'm vein' he thinks. 'Maybe I only love him for his looks?' He starts to pinch the inside of his arm, it's a new stress reliever that he's adopted since this all happened. 'No, that's not true. It's the way he
Looks at me, and speaks to me and takes care of me. It's the way I only want to be around him every waking minute.'
Whenever the self doubt creeps in he tries his hardest to push it out, he knows that Yuta would have helped him with that before so he tries to make sure it doesn't consume him or he gets crazy thoughts about leaving. It's the last thing he wants to do, really but sometimes the monsters get in and make him think bad thoughts.
He stands and hugs Yuta and kisses his cheek before applying lip balm to keep him from drying up. He's been very careful to take care of even the littlest detail so that when Yuta wakes he will be comfortable and happy. He continues to apply lotion and even dry shampoos his hair until Johnny walks in. He leans in the door smiling sweetly at Sicheng, watching the gentle way he cares for his best friend.
"Good morning Sicheng. How are you today?" He asks walking in further.
"I'm ok, I need a shower though. If you don't mind?" Johnny shakes his head.
"Sicheng, you are allowed to take care of yourself you know? You can even go home and shower, get a change of environment if you want to." Sicheng backs up and shakes his head.
"I'm not leaving." Johnny nods in understanding while Sicheng just grabs a clean set of clothes to change into.

Johnny starts to brighten up the room, opening the shades and turning on the morning news. He feels he needs to help keep Sicheng in the present, too often he finds him sitting in the dark. When he hears the grumble he immediately looks to the bathroom door, when he realizes that Sicheng is still in the bathroom his head shoots over to the bed to see Yuta trying to shield his eyes from the blinding light. As fast as he can he runs to the window and pulls the shade, shuts off the tv and rushes to Yuta's side.
He looks disoriented but very alert. He's looking frantically around Johnny, watching the door as Johnny hugs him and tells him how happy he is to see him. Yuta smiles and grabs Johnny by the hand, he tries to make sound come out but his throat is dry and it just makes him cough. Johnny seems to understand so after giving him water he tells him what he wants to hear.
"Sicheng is here, he's showering." Yuta tries to sit up, looking for the door where his Sicheng would be behind and collapses as fast as he rose up.
"Calm down, he'll be out in a few minutes. He's been here the whole time so don't worry, he's not leaving you." Johnny presses the button for the nurse to come in and hugs Yuta again.
"We were so worried about you, We were starting to wonder if you'd wake up." Yuta, still not being able to talk takes a drink of water and whispers.
"Is he ok? Eating, sleeping, school?" Johnny chuckles. "Of course that would be the first thing you ask about." He says while he squeezes his hand.
"He's been eating well and he sleeps in that chair next to you every night." Yuta looks at the chair then sadly at Johnny.
"He won't leave, he hasn't left this room since Renjun left the hospital, that's why he's showering in there." Yuta looks confused for a moment.
"What happened to Renjun?" He whispers.
He starts to explain everything then the nurse walks in so he promises to tell him later.
He is very anxious the whole time the nurse is in there and even after she leaves. He waves Johnny over.
"Can you get him to come out I want to see him before the doctor comes in, please?" Johnny smiles and pats his hand.
"I'll do my best."
He walks to the bathroom and knocks, he hears that the shower was no longer running.
"Sicheng can you please hurry? Yuta needs you." Almost immediately the door flies open.
"Is he ok? What happened?" He starts to walk quickly to the bed when he sees Yuta's bright smiling face looking at him. He shakes his head, this must be a dream. He looks at Johnny who's smiling as well and continues to walk to Yuta although a little slower now. When he gets to the bed he reaches out his hand, his fingers slowly graze Yuta's soft cheek as he watches his eyes slowly blink shut then open again. Yuta, is afraid to scare him so he doesn't want to be too aggressive so he touches his hand and smiles lovingly at him.
"Y-Yuta? Are you really awake or is this a dream?" He asks quietly, afraid of the answer. As the tears start to pour from Sicheng's eyes Yuta can't help but cry too.
"It's funny, after all that happened before I'm asking myself the same thing." Yuta whispers softly as he reaches up to wipe Sicheng's tears. When the sob tears through his throat he engulfs Yuta in his arms, never wanting to let go. He peppers Yuta's face with kisses and watches as Yuta's smile gets even wider.
"Yuta? I just want you to know that I am so sorry and I hope you can forgive me and I I'll completely understand if you don't and if you want me to..." his rambling comes to an abrupt halt when he feels Yuta's lips gently caressing his own. He kisses back happily but reluctantly.
"Sicheng even though this really isn't the time to talk about this, I want you to know that at no point since knowing you and falling for you have I ever, nor would I ever stop loving you. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about." He tries to continue but has to put his finger on Sicheng's lips to shut him up again.
"It was a misunderstanding that I couldn't fix and because of that, I hurt you and I'm sorry."
He gently pulled Sicheng onto the bed with him and held him in his arms.
"How can I take care of you if you have me pinned down." Sicheng says in between sniffles.
"Maybe it's time someone takes care of you." Yuta says kissing him on the lips again. Sicheng doesn't argue, for now he will enjoy being held by Yuta.
Neither of them have realized in this time that Johnny had quietly slipped out, nor will they realize until he knocks again hours later.