Absence of a father's love 💔

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Hi! I am Malvica. Today I wanna share my dark side of my life. Most of the people around me thought I m a lucky person cuz I was born in a Middle class family. My mom being a cosmetic seller while my dad is a lawyer. And I get to dress 👗 in beautiful outfits and I m intelligent also and live in a comfort zone. I m also a talkative,friendly,loud and extrovert person too. So from my outer looks and behaviour.I would usually get this comments and even when people saw my Instagram account which is Malvica.sougaijam.
But...... Not of all this is true. U cannot describe a person just from their external appearances. It's actually.. I have an alcoholic father.
Ever since today I haven't received a true father's love since now. When I scroll down my memories and even a few moments ago. I would always weep bitterly.
My father was born in a poor background family. His father was a clerk and had 7 children in total. My father was the youngest son. Hence,he was treated most lovingly by my grandma even though they were poor. My eldest uncle worked very hard to raise the family name and to bring some improvement in the family. So he studied hard to become a Chief Engineer. While pursuing his dream, he even suffered tuberculosis due to starvation lack of basic needs. But finally he did succeed. My father was a very outstanding student. I m not flattering cuz he is my father. He would always top the class when he was young. In his time, he was the first one to get B.A. 1st class. His real dream was to become a doctor. But all his dream shattered when he didn't get the medical examination due to having got 2mark less. But he would get a chance if he deposited some extra money for his admission. My Grandfather refuses to gave him this money and refuse to support him. He didn't love my father much. My grandma was unable to help him as she didn't have any money on her side. So from that day everything changed. But he vowed that he would get his only child become a doctor and would avenge his insult from everyone. He started to get addicted to alcohol as it was the only way from escaping from his reality. He did get admission in engineering,Vetenary service and for Master . he choose the Vetenary service unwilling but he was not used to that environment and hence he quit. He spent most of his time getting drunk. He was so lost in his own world. To make himself free from his pain. He studied M.A.llb in a law college. And later he meet my mom. As he was reduced from a proud student to an average student he just couldn't adapt easily to the reality. After his marriage with mom, everyone thought he would change to a better person. He did change but to the worse. He would treat my newly wed mom to the worse. He would throw the meals on her face. Throw things all night after coming back drunk. My mom even when she got pregnant with my elder brother suffered in silence. She would never complain about it and would accept this as her fate. When she told me her sad life. I would always cry 😭. There are many cases similar to mine in India mainly and other places also. When I was born my father was very happy as he thought I was going to be the person to fulfill his dreams. But still his drinking 🍻 habit remain unchanged. He would return from his work drunk and later torture our family at night most of the times. When I was a child, I was always scared of him.
I remember the moments that he had tortured me and make me suffer. He would refuse to go tuition with me most of the time if it was not his mood of driving when he was drunk. Even now he would always call me daughter of a bitch. What kind of father calls his daughter that word. That word would always strike my heart into pieces 💔. But I never answered him back as he would get angry because of me.
Most of the time when I saw my best friends' father treating my friends lovingly. I would cry 😭 in silent since I haven't experienced something like that. I wish I had a supportive father like them. I wish I were a daddy's girl. My father even said I would become a prostitute when I grow up. This is the words I get from my own father. What do u expect. Do I look happy with this situation. I would always cry in silence alone in his chamber room where I would study or spent my alone time. We have only 4 rooms. Its like a rent room. Our main house hasn't yet built although it is still in construction. We r still living as a joint family system. Although we eat separately.It's the same with my cousins or uncles, auties also. They never cared for us even when my father was torturing us they never came in to stop us. They would ignore us like insects and would say it's their own family problem and they will deal with it. Or they will enjoy it like an entertainment programme or something. I wrote this story cuz I couldn't hold much longer. There was even a time when my own father tried to kill me with a knife 🔪. Surprised! but it's the truth. As an eye evidence my mom saw it. I saved myself my locking myself in my study room. I was sacred to death that day. It aroused from an argument of telling him to stop drinking alcohol. I m the youngest and only daughter child of my family. Most of the people in my society thought I was treated very cherishly but sometimes they can be wrong unless u know the real thing. I even had a record of his torture times in my recorder as an evidence if it comes useful in time and everyone would believe me that I was lying or not. I even tried to commit suicide 2 times as I couldn't handle the situation. It's suffocating u know. But when I think of my mother who would away stand for me and supported me all my whole life. She is the only person who cared for me even if I m a bad person. The only thing that kept me move forwards is because of my mom. I fainted once even at my history tution just after the morning after my father's violence on me. I just couldn't handle the pressure anymore.
And the main story begins now. After I passed class 10 standard it was time to decide my own subject stream. I had always opted for Humanities as I was interested in Social science subject and I m also a person who is very weak in maths. I also got this gene from my pop's side. He is also weak in maths. Most of my family members are weak in maths. It's like a blood lifeline. My sibling brother also. When I told my father that I wanna choose Humanities stream then his face turned into an angry face and started saying things like " what r u gonna do if u choose that stupid subject? Can u guarantee u can get a job with that subject in a poor state like ours? Our family is not a rich one hence to get a job easily u should choose science and mainly u should become a doctor and fulfil my lifelong dream as u r my daughter." From that onwards argument arises and finally he wins I was forcively choosen science even though I was weak in it. Before starting to go on my school classes, I went to physics and maths tuitions at first. In the few weeks, I started experiencing lot of unfimiliar things. I didn't know any of it. Plus I was most importantly not interested in that field. He had taken away my liberty. I was in a cage like situation. I couldn't get out of it. I always cried helplessly all alone. I had no one to help me and support me to get out from this havoc situation. Even my mom wanted me to choose science.
Then one day I stood up to my father and said
"Baji I can't do this anymore. Think me as a failure it's ok. I m sorry I can't fulfill your wishes as I have my own dreams too. I am not a puppet to be played under your hands. I have a life too. I will take Humanities stream and I won't be a loser unlike u think I m. And I will prove this to u, I promise. ...."
To be continued....