Unhinged; Han Jisung.

thirteen.

-

Four days later, you were released from the hospital, to go straight to the boys' house and get ready for Jisung's funeral.

The last four days were torture. You had all the time in the world to think about everything that had happened over that short period of time, and you just couldn't process it. You still weren't responding properly, and the doctors were a bit reluctant to release you, but they understood your current situation and gave you that privilege.

You also had time to write your eulogy for Jisung, a piece of paper that had soaked up far too many tears.

You had just gotten dressed in normal clothes when Chan opened the door to your hospital room, and he nodded his head to the side, telling you it was time to go home. Once you were in the car, everyone glanced at you, but your kept your gaze outside on the sky, the buildings, everything other than the people that Jisung loved most.

When you got to the house, you went to where your bedroom was when you stayed with them a few years back and sat on the bed. The bed where Jisung confessed to you, the bed where Jisung first kissed you, the bed that reminded you of him in every way possible, so you quickly got off of it and hugged yourself. Something you had found yourself doing often ever since Chan told you about the accident.

"Knock, knock." Jeongin whispered as he stepped into your room with some clothes. "We bought you these for the funeral."

You nodded, almost unnoticeably, and took the clothes from him. You quickly changed and looked at yourself in the mirror. The black lace turtleneck, black blazer and black dress pants created a beautifully mournful combination. You grazed the 'Family' necklace that the boys gave you with your fingertips, a chill running down your spine.

In the car on the way to the funeral, the boys tried striking up a conversation with you, but you couldn't bring yourself to speak to them. It wasn't them, it was you. You just couldn't bring yourself to speak to anyone. When the eight of you got to the funeral, you got out and pulled the small piece of paper out of your pocket. You read over it, crumbling as the words hit you like a train.

You looked up at the closed casket that held your boyfriend, the love of your life, and felt your eyes start to water. You took a deep breath and walked up to the casket, silently crying.

The boys watched from behind you, and Minho leaned in. "Changmin said she would be okay."

"I can barely look at her without feeling my own heart break." Changbin whispered.

People started showing up to the funeral, so you and the boys got ready to talk on Jisung's behalf. His mother went first of course, then Changmin, then the boys, then it was your turn. At this point, you were battling your emotions, and when you stepped up to the small microphone to give your eulogy, you almost lost it.

"Jisung was such a blessing to so many people." The boys listened carefully, not wanting to forget what your voice sounded like. "I feel very blessed to have known him, and I'm very blessed to have almost had a family with him. Han Jisung was the best man I have ever met in my life by far, and I can't imagine going on without him, but I know we can all stay strong, in honor of him. He saved so many lives, and impacted so many in a positive way. This loss is devastating, and he is gone, but never forgotten."

The Honor Guard did their three-volley salute and the folded flag was handed to you, but you walked over to Jisung's mother and handed it to her.

"I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Mrs. Han." You whispered.

She shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks. "Jisung would've wanted you to have it, Y/N. He loved you so much, sweetheart, and he was so excited to have a family with you. You deserve that flag." You looked down as you started sobbing again, and Mrs. Han pulled you into a hug. "We both lost someone we love dearly, but we can get through this, you hear me?"

You nodded into her hair and she patted your back, sending you off with a kiss on the cheek. After the small reception, everyone started leaving, and all you did was stare at the patch of ground that hid the newly buried casket. It felt so final, and the flag in your hands felt soft, just like his hands did.

"Ready to go home?" Felix whispered.

You nodded slowly and got up. The car ride back home was just as silent as it was on the way there. When you got back to the house, you locked yourself in your bedroom and filled the bathtub up, your bad habit resurfacing.

You were finally getting over that. The last time you sunk yourself into a bathtub was the night that Chan caught you and pulled you out some three years ago. You couldn't stop yourself from doing it again.

You stripped down into your undergarments and sunk into the hot water. The way the water sculpted around your body brought back memories, traumatic ones, ones that made you start this water torture in the first place. The more you thought about the deaths of people you loved, the deeper you got into the water.

Standing outside your locked bedroom door were seven curious boys, curious as to why it was so quiet, then Chan's stomach dropped.

"The bathtub." He whispered. "We need to get in."

He started ramming his shoulder into the door to try and get into your room but it wasn't working. The boys started contributing, putting as much force as they could into the door before it finally broke down.

"The bathroom door is probably locked too." Hyunjin said.

So they also started working on that door, and just like the last time, you couldn't hear them, but it was different this time. When they got into your bathroom, everyone's breathing shallowed.

Chan pulled you out of the tub and checked your pulse. "She's unconscious. Call Doctor Lee."

He started performing CPR, the water leaving your lungs faster that he thought it would have. Even though you were conscious again, you didn't open your eyes. Not when Chan covered you with a towel, not when one of the boys picked you up and took you out to the car, and not when you were taken into Doctor Lee's designated room she had for you.

"I know you're awake, Y/N."

You slowly opened your eyes and turned your head to look at her. "I wish I wasn't."

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