With Your Heart Wide Open

The nightmare

"Dreams in the dusk,

Only dreams closing the day

And with the day's close going back

To the gray things, the dark things,

The far deep things of dreamland."

Carl Sandburg

She shivered at the touch of the drizzle on her skin. She can feel the swelling of her veins as blood cells rush to her heart in panic. Lost, exhausted, and on top of all hopeless, she knew that the rain was an omen. Good or bad? She didn't have the strength to decide.

"Aughh!" She yelled when she felt a stab on the sole of her left foot. Only when she took out the broken glass stained by her own blood that she realized that she was barefoot. She instinctively inspect her whole body. Her pajamas were partly hidden under her favorite hoodie. She ran her hand to the blue scarf that was wrapped around her spiral curls.

Lost in the awkwardness of her outfit, she didn't see the shadow nearing her until she heard the hoarse voice.
"Hey Lil' Mama, you lost?"

She sized him up. He wore an undershirt and ripped denim shorts, his towering figure casting a shadow over her. His bulging, sweaty arms glistened in the rain, but it was his eyes that held her captive. They bore into her, filled with hunger and desire. In a surge of adrenaline, she ignored the pain in her injured foot and sprinted away with all her might. It only took five steps before she slipped on the wet ground. Her last glimpse of those hunger-filled eyes etching into her memory before darkness consumed her.

"Mommy! Mommy! Wake up!"

Esther snapped awake under the vigorous shake of her daughter.

Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she gazed out the window, realizing that night had already settled. The sky bore a veil of darkness mirroring the one that had consumed her life seven years ago.

Seven years ago.

The thought only felt like a weight pressing on her spine.

"Mommy! You're okay?" Liyah asked.

"What do you want? Why did you wake me up?" she asked brushing over her daughter's concern.

"It's almost eight and I can't finish my homework."

Esther rubbed her eyes.

"Fractions?"

"Yes but as word problems," Liyah replied quickly.

"Aaliyah, you'll need to watch a YouTube video for that. I need to cook and finish the laundry, " Esther said after a quick glance at the homework.

"I wish I could go back to the third grade." the girl pouted.

" But you can't. That was the point of skipping it, remember?"

"But..."

"Enough, Aaliyah. You need to toughen up and learn to adapt. Whining won't solve anything," Esther said slowly but firmly.

As Esther stood over the sizzling stove, the aroma of spices glided through the air. The sound of raindrops tapped softly against the windowpane in a soothing rhythm. Aaliyah sat at the table, her pencil scratching against the paper, scribbling and erasing then sigh in frustration when the answer was wrong.

Seven years ago. Day for day. Aaliyah was a small part of her back then and wouldn't know that this night would change everything.

Several minutes later, Esther placed a plate in front of Aaliyah. There was white rice and vegetable stew from the day before.