Renegade

Maybe

|Song: Rise Above by Tommee Profit|

Renegade looked at the mirror and tried to hide his worries. But he knew he was doing a pretty bad job, but well... Could you blame him?

He had some black veins on his temples and looked pale, like sickly pale. But the worst part was his eyes. Renegade was used to seeing fragments of gold in his eyes, but he could used to see the drops of the unique blue inside them. But now... His eyes were almost totally gold with really tiny lines of blue inside them.

"I'm fucked, aren't I?" Renegade said and sighed when there was no reply from the Bat.

"Star Labs is working on finding a cure as we speak." Batman said.

"A cure for being a Talon? Yeah, good luck with that." Renegade said sarcastically and let his body drop to the soft sheets of the bed.

"You are not fully a Talon, at least not yet." Batman said.

"And for how long is it going to stay that way?" Renegade asked.

"Depends on the Star Labs. If they find a cure, or at least a serum to delay the process and repress the symphtoms, you won't be a Talon at all."

"Aaand... what if they don't?"

"A month."

There was silence for a bare second before Renegade spoke.

"Yeeey, more perfect news. Just what I needed." Renegade said smirking.

"Don't even try to act like you don't care Renegade." Batman said looking at the teen in front of him.

"Who's acting? I have one damn month to live right? So from now on, I don't give a fuck about anything Batsy." Renegade said laughing.

"What do you mean you have one month to live?" Batman asked.

"Well, we both know that the smart-ass scientists in the Star Labs won't manage to find a cure, because there isn't one. And... I've sworn myself to not to become anyone's puppet ever again, especially not the Court's. There are just some things worse than death. I know, I've done most of them. And being with the Court is on top of those things. Plus, I already have a sweet spot in hell waiting for me. I don't want to make it any sweeter by becoming a Talon and killing thousands of more people. Don't understand me wrong. I still like killing. I just don't like killing innocent people. I'm not that crazy." Renegade said.

Batman just stood there and listened to Renegade. Batman understood what the kid meant by all of this but was hoping that he understood him wrong.

"So you mean-" Batman said but Renegade cut him off.

"Let's make a deal Batsy. You let me leave and enjoy my last month as a free man. In exchange, I promise that I won't kill anyone... Alright, maybe I can kill one person... Or two, tops. And after one month, you can find me inside an abandoned warehouse, hanging from the ceiling with a rope around my neck. What do you say?"

Batman looked at Renegade and kept his silence. He couldn't believe that the boy in front of him was 14 and considering to suicide next month.

Renegade looked at Batman and laughed. It was a bitter laugh though.

"Like I said Batsy, some things are just worse than death and, I am not becoming anyone's puppet ever again. So what do you say? Deal?"

Batman didn't speak and Renegade sighed.

"You don't let me live the way I want, I get it. But at least let me die the way I want." Renegade pleaded.

"I am sorry Dick, I can't let you leave. And Star Labs will find a cure. Even if they won't, I will." Batman said and left the room.

"Dramatic exit, so Batman." Renegade murmured.

And he was alone again. Lying on a bed, left with nothing to do but to think. Just like when he was inside his cell. But this time, he didn't have much to think. What was there left to think? He was going to do it. He was going to end his life. He had no choice.

Renegade considered suiciding before. When he was with the Court, then Deathstroke and then the League. Maybe because he was too coward to end his own life or maybe he was brave enough to keep living it, Renegade didn't know, he never did it. But now, like he said, he didn't have a choice.

What if Batman is telling the truth though? A small thought popped up in Renegade's head. What if a cure can be found.

But that thought died just after a second it appeared. There couldn't be a cure. Even if there was, which Renegade highly doubted, Batman couldn't find it on time.

So yes, it was all going to be over after a single, short month. He would be just another villian in the history books.

Renegade felt his heart ache. A different feeling was covering him. Was this... was this guilt? After all this time, did Renegade actually feel the guilt?

No, no, no... It couldn't be guilt.

Renegade killed people, yes, but he only did it to protect himself or because it was his mission. The people he killed in the prison for example. He wouldn't have killed them if they didn't attack him. Renegade did some assassinations in his past too but they were all his missions, his orders and he just obeyed them, like a soldier.

Ugh... Why the fuck was he thinking all this now? Those people were dead, end of the line. Why bother now?

But the fucking feeling was just not going away. Why didn't it just go away.

Maybe...

No,no,no. It couldn't be.

But maybe...

He really needed his inner voice to shut up.

Maybe, maybe he didn't want to die as a villian.