Thoughts in my head

I can't do this anymore...

I don't sleep well.
I'm very complicated and confused on many things.
I'm very easily paranoid.
I'm an insomniac.
I'm a total mess.
I'm a liar.
I'm bipolar.
I'm depressed and suicidal.
I fake my happiness a lot and then end up not caring at all what happens.
I've never made a clear choice in my life.
I'm nonbinary.
I'm pansexual.
I'm polyamorous.
I constantly wish I could hide things better like I did years ago.
I hate my childhood since it wasn't much of one.
I start to blame others for my problems them my mind points out how it's my fault and I'm insane.
Everything goes by in slow motion but once it's gone it seemed to be too fast.
I'm a big procrastinator.
I overthink a lot.
I block out my feelings till I burst.
I've done so much and tell myself different things every day.
I often get to the point I can't move myself off the floor.
No one ever notices that I'm on the floor.
I've tried to commit suicide more then I've cared to count.
I have two people that mean the world to me and I mean the world to them or so I'm told.
I can't sleep alone I never could.
I have a huge room and I've packed it with stuff so I wouldn't feel so lonely and small in such a big place. It didn't work....
I wasn't one to sleep with stuffed animals due to many reasons and problems with my mind.
I put pillows along the side of my bed so I wasn't feeling so alone.
I sleep on the couch because I've broke down and hurt myself so much in my room I can't handle being in such a dark familiar surrounding.
The couch acts as someone sleeping next to me in a way and it makes me feel slightly better.
I can't have only some of my loved ones and not all. It might sound greedy but my mind...I just couldn't handle it.
I'm either monotone or sarcastic.
I'm simply an asshole.
I can care way too much.
My mind constantly is arguing over what is right and wrong.
I've made promises that I've broke too easily.
I've broken promises to myself and more then that should be.
I'm truly insane.
I make excuses for myself and others way too much.
After a decision is made my mind can't seem but still doubt it.
I promised myself I didn't need love or a relationship till I was ready to start a life.
I have nothing in my life figured out and the thought of dropping all thoughts of any kind of relationship crosses my mind every day.
I'm constantly told what I'm doing is wrong.
I can't seem to figure out what is right.
I think I've found the right people at the wrong time.
I want to hold on and put faith but it just doesn't seem right to.
I'm so tired of being exhausted and put through so much because of my own mind...
I love so much it scares me and I feel as if I might break myself.
I'm done. I've been done for a long time. I'm not ending my story but I think I might have to save some characters for a chapter further on.
I can't be the one to give false hope but I will not be a fake support system.
A have a decision to make and it's life changing for multiple people. It's a lot of pressure but pressure is what I can't be dealing with at this moment.

I don't intend to have pity thrown at me or for my dear ones to feel bad or frightened by my actions, thoughts or words.
I simply write this stuff to get it off my mind.

~Sincerely,
your no one...<3