Thoughts in my head

Heh..

These are my constant dreams. I run out of breath randomly and blackout and this is all I see I run, I trip, I suffocate and it starts again...

I told I'm really controlling... it's only because I feel like I'm never in control of my self and my life so I try to control what I can...

I don't know what's going on with myself so I don't want anyone getting involved with me because they won't ever get answers or reasons...

I keep missing them but I tell myself that they'd be better off without me no matter how much they tell me different...

I keep trying..... When my mood is up I don't let myself enjoy it...I make myself give it to someone else....

You can't be happy with me....I'm never going to like myself when all the positives come with extra negatives...

I don't have any friends....they are either too close or too far away...

My trust is hard to earn when I set impossible goals..

I can't leave things in the past when it's what made me into who I am now....

I can't ignore my past or the spiraling thoughts of my future...I can only run away from my present....

I kinda wish I had nothing so I won't second guess disappearing....

I don't blame people for being nice to me I just hurt to the point the good things hurt more then the bad.....

I can't have hope that what I have now isn't temporary because if they stayed I wouldn't know how to handle it.....

I don't want to be this fragile piece of glass anymore....

I'm that small piece of glass that is so small it's almost invisible and you can't break it because of how much it's already broken but once you see it if you're smart you'll throw it away so no one can get hurt....

Love is being given a bouquet of flowers that has one glass rose  and being told that you have to hold them at all times and you'll be loved until the last petal falls. You'll have to be really careful with that last flower...

The only thing I feel like won't be temporary is the problem everyone tells me is temporary...

If you hurt me I'll be mad at you for ten seconds and for the rest of time I'll blame myself...

If I yell... you aren't the one I'm yelling at if anything I see you as my mirror...

If I'm mean it's because I'm hurt..

Emotionless and heartless are things I'm called when I'm trying to keep myself together...

I'm a bad person....

"You're one special kid. How are you lost and so broken?" "I am lost and broken but still here how do you think I'm so special?"