52

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by lovejjong

by lovejjong

Soraru wavered between just entering his room or listening to the other male talk, but eventually he caved in. Maybe it was because Mafu looks pitiful in the way he is looking towards him, but he nods. He walks stiffly to the couch, sitting down with a straight spine. He avoided looking at Mafu, who was making himself comfortable by sitting next to Soraru.

"Look at me." Soraru, as if compelled by the other's voice, turned towards Mafu. The younger breathed out slowly, and smiled gently. "I'm sorry, Soraru-san, for everything I've done to make you uncomfortable. I just needed some time to adapt, to accept you." He paused, looking Soraru carefully to check for any reactions. Soraru didn't respond, choosing to sit there quietly, absorbing in his words.

When he realized there is no negative reactions, Mafu continued. "I really like you, Soraru-san. You're gorgeous, and lovely, and I really wanted you to see that you are just gorgeous. I want to hold you, kiss you, sing you praises until your ears turn red and you accept me. I want to show you everything about yourself, I want to learn everything about yourself. I want to be there at every part of your life. I love you, Soraru-san."

"Rib told me he would give me this chance to get my feelings through to you, and most of all, Soraru-san, I just want you to know that I am really sorry when I pushed you away the other day. I don't hate you, in fact, every single moment away from you really hurts me. I don't mind if you hate me, I don't mind if you can't respond to me the same way I love you. I just- I just really miss talking to you, so won't you just respond to me?"

Soraru is in shock after listening to him. His eyes wide, he looked away from Mafu, trying to hide his reddening face away. "You're lying," he murmurs, and Mafu grabs his hands. "I'm not, Soraru-san," he insists, his eyes wide and pure and so full of love for the man in front of him. Soraru lets out a tired laugh, and says, "I can't even love myself, how could you think that I'm capable of loving you, Mafu?"

Determination burns in Mafu, and he replies steadily, as if he is ready, ready to commit himself to a man who wouldn't accept himself, ready to love a man who doesn't love himself. "Then I'll walk you through it. I'll show you everything there is to love you, let me be your light, Soraru-san. Let me show you how to love yourself. Let me help you."

Soraru sighs, sagging against Mafu's body. He loses all fight in his body with that sigh, and Mafu holds him as both of them slid to the floor together. the younger murmured in his ears, "Soraru-san, let me-" he chokes up a little, and tightens his hold on the older's frail body, "-let me love you."

"Don't cry, Mafu," Soraru breathes out. He feels both happy and suffocated, by the confession and his insecurities. His eyes flitted around, and more than once, he wished, wished that he is normal, wished that he was worth all the love Mafu poured on him. But another part of him, a stronger part, perhaps, told him to accept the other. Maybe you'll heal, the voice whispers in his head, maybe you'll finally forget me, live a better life. The voice sounds suspiciously like Ren, and Soraru's heart rate picked up.

He needs Mafu, he knows. But for Mafu to spend his whole life loving a broken person, wouldn't it just be a waste of his time? "It won't be a waste of my time if I spend it with someone I love," Mafu whispers, and Soraru realizes that he spoke his thoughts aloud. But it was this sentence, that finally lets his heart become lighter. A tear rolled down his cheek, and Soraru sniffles. He buries himself deeper into Mafu's body, and whispered to him a sentence, in a soft voice, that had the younger smile.

"then I hope you can take care of me well, Mafumafu-san."

a/n : double update :) i hope everyone is feeling fine!

is it the end yet? hmm,, maybe? it feels okay to end this book like this, but let me know your thoughts!

-aru