Difficult Journey (A Big Girl Love Story)

XVIIII- Crying, Holding, and Showering

I looked out my window starring at the old, tall trees across the road. What am I going to do? He lied to me! He told me no alcohol. I know it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to most people but it is to me. It was a promise that he made me. And in my mind, don't promise something that you obviously can't keep.

The thoughts just buzzed in my head as I starred at the trees. My phone buzzed for the billionth time today. And it was Luke again.

May, it’s been a week at least let me talk to you about this. I shook my head as I read his text. I set my phone back down to the side of me slowly. I don’t know what I want right now.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees. Right now would usually be the moment where I walk over to my dad and have an adult conversation.

Tears drizzled in my eyes threatening to spill over. Olivia and Paul weren’t home. They were gone visiting her family.

It never is good when I am alone and crying, so I decided I didn’t want to be alone. I sighed, picking up my phone, not knowing what else to do or who to call, finally I just gave in. 

This is dumb but I want you to come over, come upstairs and hold me. I don't want to fight right now, I just want to be held. I sent it and as soon as I lied down I heard the front door jiggle as he used the spare key hidden underneath some rocks by the front steps.

Wow, that was fast.

I heard his shoes plop down on the floor as he walked in and he climbed up the steps. He climbed into my bed and took me in his arms.

And just like that, the dam broke. All the emotions that I've been attempting to hold in this week flooded out.

All over his shirt, to be precise.

I balled my eyes out, not for a single moment looking at his eyes. He rubbed my back soothingly.

"Shhh, everything is alright." He whispered in a calming voice but I knew it wasn't. It won’t ever be fine. I have no parents left, there is no way they can come back, I never feel good enough, I invited myself into my family’s house without giving them any money, I feel horrible, I have a fear of going to this new school. I don’t know what I can handle any more. It feels like I haven’t eaten in days, I probably look like absolute crap, at least I had still been taking showers. 

* * * * *

I don’t know what really happened last night. I woke up, still gathered in the warmth of Luke's arms which caused my thoughts to wander some more.

I began to ponder: I knew he loved me. I just didn’t know what to do anymore, this place doesn’t feel like my home and I don’t want to change schools.

I don't know what I’m going to do anymore. I never even gave him the chance to explain what happened but he still said he wasn't going to drink. A lot of people underage drink though so the fact that I said no drinking was kind of unrealistic.

I slowly got up out of the bed; I had to pee. Luke’s eyes fluttered open, which was adorable. 

"I’m going to the bathroom, just stay here." I informed not wanting him to leave, I don’t want him to leave and I’m home alone all weekend because Paul and Olivia went up to her family’s house.

Luke just nodded and let his eyes slowly shut again. I walked over to the bathroom, making sure that the door was closed, went to the bathroom, and quickly brushed my teeth. I have horrible morning breath, let’s get real.

I went back to the bed and crawled back in. Luke immediately wrapped his arms around me. 

"I missed this." He admitted quietly into my ear. I stayed in his arms, soaking up his warmth, letting my eyes close but I wasn’t sleeping.

I missed this too. I missed him. I missed his smile, his sparkly eyes, his sexy hair, his nicely shaped butt, I missed how he held my hand with care, but -most importantly- I missed being loved.

"I am truly sorry. I was stupid, my friend brought alcohol and when I told him that I didn’t want to drink it, he put it in my drink and didn’t tell me until it was gone, but I kept drinking after the first drink was down because I figured I already started so...” He trailed off and sighed, “I'm sorry. I really am."

I was tired of being mad at him. I knew he was sorry, I knew he loved me, I knew that all sorts of teenagers drank.  I gave in; I leaned my head up and kissed his lips softly. I let my lips linger over his for a while. Yup, that’s what I missed.

I pulled back and looked at his eyes. His eyes were watering. Did I hurt him? My legs were no were near his privates so I didn’t accidently hit them. I didn’t bite his lip. I looked at him confused.

He spoke up, "I thought you were going to be forever mad at me. I thought I was going to lose you. I thought you weren’t going to speak to me again. You scared me." I nodded and looked downward. He pushed my chin up with his fingers and brought his lips to mine, kissing me with a passion so intense it consumed every part of me.

And love. Always love.  

* * * * *

I stripped my clothes off, getting ready to take a shower. I was trying to rush because Luke was waiting in the living room until I was done.

After this morning we have been pretty much linked to each other, like literally hip-to-hip pretty much.

I glanced down at my underwear. Shit! Red, red is bad. Is it really that time of the month already? I asked myself.

Ugh.

I quickly hopped in the shower, making it smoking hot. It was comforting for me, at least, to have a nice and hot shower because for some reason, when I breathe in the steam, it calms me. I don't know.

I let my thoughts wonder, because who doesn't think when they're in the shower.

Me and Luke have been together for almost three months actually. Well, except for out little "break" but I don’t really count that because it was only a week. I know Luke gives be butterflies every time we kiss and I love how he grabs my hand while he is driving; it’s one of the best things ever. The one thing that I didn’t know how to tell him was that I didn’t want to go to his school; I want to go to my old school. I think, I really think I’m going to call up Shelby and ask to move back in. Summer was fun, but I'm not ready to go to school with some new people who probably do drugs. I didn’t know how to tell him that. I mean I still wanted to be with him but I wanted to go to my old school so he would have to drive to see me but that’s ok right?

a/n

Luke and May's position on the top/side!

I know its super short but let me know what you thought about it? I would really appreciate it. Thanks guys!

Jas.

Status: EDITED By: Strangely-Beautiful