One Thing On Top of the Other

Miley and Abby

I gave the voices names to make them seem more real. I didn't tell anyone about them at first, because I didn't know how to explain it and I thought that people would think I'm a psychopath, which really wasn't on my list of good things.

Miley was the girl who pushed me to try my hardest. Whenever I asked her why she was so mean to me, she always said:

I'm not mean, I'm just giving you tough love. That's what brats like you need to get their shit together.

I tried to tell myself that every single time she yelled at me to make it seem less hurtful, the same way I told myself that "beauty is pain" when I was getting my getting my eyebrows threaded. It usually didn't help very much.

Abigail (or Abby) was the girl who told me to slow down, be patient, and to be very cautious. I asked her why she was trying to control my every move, and she said:

Because I can't let you ruin your life more than you already have. What if you mess up? What if  you screw everything up and you fall to pieces again?

Abby made me not only cautious, but paranoid. The worst part was that Miley and Abby were never on the same page. If Miley wants me to hype up, Abby wants me to calm down. If Miley tells me to wake up, Abby tells me to sleep in a little longer. No matter what I did, I could never win.

I didn't tell anyone about them.. Until I met Lavontrae. He had his own little voices in his head, so I knew he wasn't going to think I was crazy, and I knew he'd understand. We could talk for hours on end about them, or anything else for that matter.

Miley hated Lavontrae, but Abby adored him. Miley said he was no good for me, that he was only going to weigh me down by becoming too attached to me. Abby said he seemed like the ideal guy, he never complained and he agreed with everything I said.

For once, they were both right.