I continued telling anyone and everyone about what was happening in my mind. I wasn't even thinking about it, my brain was just engaging in it's last attempt to survive. That's what the brain does, it keeps you alive even when you want to die.
Wouldn't it be nice to take every last pill in the medicine cabinet and never breathe again?
My head went back and forth with itself for hours, but I had become so used to it that the chaos eventually faded to the back of my mind. I lied in my bed with the darkness surrounding me, and I allowed it to overcome my racing thoughts to silence them. The darkness would hold me and tell me that I didn't need to be afraid of it, that it was there to be my friend.
I'll stay with you. I will go with you to school every day and I will hold you until the end. Just say the word, take the leap, and I'll make everything quiet forever. You'll never have to listen to anyone tell you you're not enough ever again.
The darkness talked to me for the rest of the night, and with its help I eventually managed to cry myself to sleep.
I told Ms. Padilla about it the next day. I described it to her as a black bubble that was growing thicker by the hour to protect me and numb my pain. I told her that not even my friends could penetrate it anymore, that it doesn't matter what anyone said or did because it didn't make a difference. As I was telling her everything, there was a piece of me that said:
Please help me. Please don't let me disappear.
That happened no matter who I told. Every single time I said anything to anyone, there was a tiny voice that begged for help. I began telling almost everyone that I wanted to run away, from teachers to friends and some others in between. I knew I was lost, and I wanted to be found before it was too late.
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One Thing On Top of the Other
No FicciónJazmyn has struggled for most of her life. She struggled in school, at home, and with friends. She'll manage to get it together for a little while, but then she falls back into the same tragic circle she's been in for years. Will she finally have a...
