Played like a Guitar

Chapter 1 : A Fresh Start

Chapter painting: Thessaloniki art by Justyna Jaszke.

"The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience." - Eleanor Roosevelt

***

Ever since I started questioning the world and its many mysteries in my late teens, one of the things that kept me up at night was the peculiar topic of one's own destiny and the ability to control it. Sometimes I'd think God created each and every one of us to serve a specific purpose, and carefully planned out every interaction, event and circumstance in order for the person to reach their ultimate goal, including the hardships from which they learn, and the moments of personal blossom and internal bliss. Not unlike a computer programmed to fulfill its tasks, following complex coding and numerical values.

But then I'd wonder why some children die at birth right before their first breath, or others pass away unexpectedly in unforeseen accidents. They couldn't have possibly fulfilled their purpose, or was that their purpose all along? To die, in order to alter someone else's course of development? The possibility of it sounded almost too morbid to be true. Why do some live prosperously with successful careers and healthy relationships, when others do not even have their basic needs satisfied?

But then you start wondering if you just happen to be born in this world, in this time, out of pure coincidence, where you're nothing but a brain and spinal cord surrounded by organs and tissues, where it comes down to nothing but a time-limited game of survival where you make the most out of everyone and everything just to end up with a mostly satisfying end result. In this case, you really do have some control over your fate, and the fate of others, which ultimately means that there are infinite possibilities based on the hundreds of mini decisions we make each day - and that shit is scary.

One thing was certain though: life is bittersweet, and I've learned to savor the sweet parts before the bitterness could ruin its delicious taste. There is a cost to everything, a fee if you will, and ironically, even for things that do not necessarily come with a price at first glance. Certainly, this also works both ways: after the storm comes a beautiful rainbow, but even after you've reached the end of it, there is a pot of gold with no return to the colorful ride. A one-way ticket. I find it both a blessing and a curse to have reached such a level of self-awareness. Yes, on one hand, you tend to take into consideration your future when making decisions, and you learn to appreciate the little things in life that others may neglect. However, this also comes with a price: you're putting constant pressure on your past, present and future self, every minute of your life. For a young adult like myself, this can be pretty overwhelming. Like, holy shit, why can't I just be dumb and happy? I don't know if it was all God's plan, or a combination of genetics and circumstances, but I guess my path was not meant to be an easy one. That's what I found out, soon after our first encounter.

***

Living in my dad's childhood home was a cultural shock to say the least, but a pleasant one as I admired the stunning scenery from the grand balcony. When comparing it to our terraced house back in Manchester, it was definitely an upgrade that would take some time getting used to nevertheless. The spacious interior illuminated naturally by daylight made me feel like I was living on another planet in contrast to my mother's compact claustrophobia-inducing home, not to mention the grey sky and constant drizzles that came with it. A perfect way to start off my first year of college here in Thessaloniki: a freshly-renovated apartment my dad set up for us before my arrival, new friendly faces and intriguing courses waiting to be dived in. Most importantly, so many stunning places to explore in this city of oversized balconies and antenna-filled rooftops. Lost in the blue image, I wondered if other people viewed the same color through their lenses, one of the many abstract thoughts that pass through my mind on a daily basis.