Played like a Guitar

Chapter 4 : Athena

"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle." - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.

Chapter painting: Sunflower field by Ella Boughton.

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Yesterday, we celebrated our three months together which flew by ridiculously fast. I insisted on us not making a big deal out of it, so we decided to go out for dinner, a bottle of red wine, and a late stroll under the night sky. Having spent years in this city, I never stopped admiring its beauty and liveliness as cafés and bars were filled until dawn. I was grateful to have such a fulfilling lifestyle, getting along with my parents well, achieving great success in college and being in a actual relationship after a long time. Athena was a fun girl to be around with, but I couldn't help but think we both had different plans for the future. As always, I was preoccupied with my academics, especially with the deadline of my final year dissertation being only months away. She, on the other hand, was more laid-back and live-in-the-moment type of girl. I felt guilty at times, believing she deserved someone better who was willing to fully commit to her, but she still stuck around during the highs and lows.

Our journey began on my flight back from Manchester, where I spent the summer at my mother's place. A huge setback, to say the least. I felt like I was sixteen all over again, having to readjust to her strict house rules, irritating habits and nosy questions. You'd think she'd be nicer after my lengthy absence, at least for a little while, but instead she kept treating me like a sponge that can absorb all her negativity and life dissatisfaction. Every now and then, she'd ask questions about her ex-husband, trying extra hard not to appear interested. Afraid that I might miss the flight, she drove me to the airport three hours before takeoff, leaving me plenty of spare time to continue reading Alcott's Little Women which I had been savoring deliciously, blown away by her writing style. I noticed a pair of honey brown eyes staring at me at the gate waiting area - a girl my age with beautiful tanned skin, long caramel hair swept effortlessly to one side, reading the exact same book. We both burst into a contagious laugh, clearly amused by the coincidence. Coincidentally, we happened to be seated in the same row so we started talking after that in hopes of making the rest of the long flight more bearable.

Born in a small village in Greece, she grew up with lots of farm animals which explained her admiration for nature, wildlife, and her vintage looks. The only piece of tech she actually used was her old MP3 player to listen to iconic tracks from the 80's and 90's. She was a naturally beautiful person, both on the inside and outside. I was surprised to hear she studied veterinary in a college near mine so we continued seeing each other afterwards. The number of places I visited in Greece quadrupled ever since I met her outgoing self. From small islands and hidden waterfalls, to mystical forests and music-packed car trips. We shared our first kiss during one of our monthly outdoor trips to a stunning sunflower field, right next to a small lake. She even made me go skinny dipping with her, something I never imagined having the courage and confidence to do before.

But even with all these magnificent traits, she was not what I was looking for in the long run. A crucial ingredient was missing, but I couldn't which one. We both lived in our own incompatible worlds. I was obsessed with routines, studying and staying within my comfort zone whereas she was too...perfect. With all the care and effort she invested in the relationship, breaking up was never an option so I stayed, hoping we would adjust to our different lifestyles eventually. The sex was great, she always had new ideas to keep things fresh - especially after a few drinks but at one point I kept fearing the passion would slowly fade away, and I was not ready to be alone again. The truth was, I found myself to be a difficult person to like and not particularly attractive at all, so whenever I saw someone appreciating my true nature, it was insanely difficult to let go as I never knew whether I'd be able to find someone like that again. It was one out of the many existential problems I faced throughout my life.