Dark Hidden Secrets - Erwin Smith x Reader

Chapter 15

(Your POV)

 Waking up next to Hanji was the weirdest thing ever. I woke up and almost called her Erwin, thinking that it was his arm around my waist. But sure enough I checked before I spoke and was so happy I did just that. Getting her off me was a very difficult task. Her arm felt like it was made of iron, no matter how hard I tried to take it off me, she just wouldn't budge. 

But once I managed to escape her, I quickly got my towel and headed for the showers. I went in and saw that no one was in there yet, I checked the time and saw that it was 6 am. I have an hour before people start waking up and getting ready so I decided to take advantage of it. I turned on the shower and started t remove my clothing. As I did that I looked at myself in the mirror and gazed at the marks on my neck, and I instantly remembered of last night.

I didn't want to think about it, especially since I don't have alot of time but I couldn't help it. I had so much going through my head that I just had to replay the whole scene all over again.

Erwin had just admitted his feelings to me and I to him. And then I started to think about his lips on mine. The way his lips were pressed against mine, like a man who hadn't seen his lover in years. The way he held me, the way he kissed me, the way he looked at me, the way his body felt against mine, I nearly melted just thinking about it.

I wanted to feel all that all over again and maybe more. Erwin was already a tall man and I could just imagine how well built he is. I saw him remove his shirt but I didn't get the chance to see what was under it because my mind was so hazy. But when his body was pressed against mine, I could just feel how well built he really was.

Staring at the marks that Erwin had left me just proved that he had meant every single word that he just said. Sure I was still a bit uneasy at the thought that he had some alcohol that night, but he reassured me that he was in control of his actions.

Once the water was warm enough I stepped into the shower and relaxed under the stream. Feeling how warm the water is just reminded me how warm Erwin's body felt when he was pressed up against me. I can still feel the pressure of his body between my legs. God I had just stepped into the shower and already I am daydreaming.

I wanted to keep fantasizing but I knew I had to hurry up and finish showering before I run into some people and they see my markings. I can easily hide them with my hair but I would still rather avoid people seeing my suspicious behavior.

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By the time I had gotten back to my room, Hanji had already left. Whoo thank goodness, I would HATE to come back and she sees the markings on me. I then reached into my drawers and picked out my clothes for the day. 

I then thought about last night again, but what he told me BEFORE he pulled me towards him.

"As Commander of the Survey Corps...I hereby terminate your position as a member of the infirmary team..."

Did he really fire me? Well obviously no one fires anyone and says that they didn't mean it but still, was Erwin seriously annoyed that I read his journal? Should I still even go to work? Or can I at least help Erwin get some of the paperwork done? With so many questions in my head I quickly put on my bra and underwear and put on my clothes for the day.

I then left my room and suddenly made my way towards Erwin's room, just to double check some things before I actually go to the infirmary.

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The closer I got to Erwin's room, the more butterflies I felt in my stomach. Sure I always got a weird feeling whenever I head up to Erwin's quarters but this time was different. It almost feels like I am sneaking around just so I can see my lover when no one is looking but surely this wasn't the case. I only want to know if I have to leave as soon as possible or I can work for a few more days before I even say bye to him. Unless he tells me I can stay.

If I can stay then what will become of us? Would this be just a one time thing? Or we can still see each other but in secret? I would hate for someone to find out about us and think so lowly of the Commander. But what other reason would Erwin tell me that I am relieved of my duties? Maybe he had a pretty good reason behind it.

I enter the building where his room is, I saw some scouts were already up, gathering in the mess hall to eat their breakfast before training.

I go up to Erwin's door and knock on it. Nothing. I knock again and nothing, I then turned the door handle to go inside and saw no one at his desk. Did he leave already? No, he couldn't have. I then saw the same stack of papers on his desk, along with his torn up journal. I couldn't help but feel bad. I guess I ruined it alot more than I had thought.

I then went over to his bedroom door and decided to take a quick peak in there and saw him still asleep. I guess he must've been very tired from hiding all night. After closing the door again I look down at the journal and sighed. I let out a small sigh as I carefully picked up the journal.

The spine was a lot more torn than when I had left it. Was this why he was upset with me last night? Was he even upset to begin with? Either way I did owe him an apology for ruining his journal, but waking him up didn't really cross my mind so I just decided to wait until he woke up, it shouldn't be that long right? 

Well either way if I just sit here and do nothing and another higher up shows up then I would be in more trouble than I think I am. So with that I took the journal over to his desk and opened the dresser and found some supplies.

"Well if this really is my last day working here, then I should at least fix what I broke....."