Dark Hidden Secrets - Erwin Smith x Reader

Chapter 19

(7 am)

(Your POV)

I knew it was wrong of me, but I started to feel a bit depressed the moment i started packing my things. Erwin was nice enough to help me but I honestly didn't have that much to pack anyways. All I had were my clothes and some pictures of my parents. Once that was done he walked with me to the front gate.

Me and Erwin said nothing the whole walk up to the front gate. What is there to talk about? He was the one who wanted me gone before anyone else sees. Is he embarrassed of me? Or he doesn't want an audience? I know I shouldn't even think like that but I just can't help it. Last night was just so wonderful that I can't just forget about Erwin. 

The way he kissed me.

The way he held me.

The way he thrusted his hips against mines.

Who goes through a magical night and simply walks away from it? I'm certain there are people who do but not when its with someone you truly love and care about. Well at least not with me.

*drip*

I flinched when I felt a raindrop on my scalp. I looked up and saw that it was starting to drizzle. Great. if I had known that it was going to start raining then I wouldn't have packed up my cloak.

You- "Wait, give me a moment, let me find my cloak."

Erwin- "Its okay, take this."

I looked up and saw Erwin removing his green Scout's cloak.

You- "Oh, no Erwin that's yours."

Erwin- "Its okay, I can always get another one."

Erwin placed his cloak on me and buttoned it to keep it from falling then placed the hood on my head.

You- "Thank you..but now you're the one that's going to get wet."

Erwin- "Its okay, I won't get sick if I do."

I chuckled as I looked over and saw that we are very close to the gate.

You- "Erwin...So...Will I...Will I see you again?"

Erwin looked down at me a bit, almost like he is trying to hide his sadness.

Erwin- "(Y/n)...the people inside the walls hate me..."

You- "What are you-?"

Erwin- "-Every time we all come back from a failed expedition, everyone calls me a monster, a murderer, they all throw insults at me because I send everyone to their deaths."

You- 'Erwin that's not tru-."

Erwin- "-It is....I do send everyone to their deaths...And as long as i continue to be Commander, everyone will hate me....so for your sake....Its best we don't see each other after this."

I felt tears coming, thankfully this rain would probably hide my tears.

You- "Erwin..please don't push me away...you're all I have left.."

Erwin- "I know its hard (Y/n)...but you must understand...if everyone knows your relation with me...then they will all hate you too....you might not be able to find a job or even live peacefully if they know I have a lover living inside these walls while everyone's loved ones are dying by my hand...so please...I care about you too much to force you to suffer because of me."

My tears spilled from my eyes, either from defeat or sadness. I knew he was right, I just didn't want to be reminded. I remembered those times my parents would speak ill of the military because they refused to let me join. The words they chose to describe the commander in charge at that time were not kind.