Progress is still progress no matter how small. I've learned it the hard way throughout the years. Hindi naging madali ang bumangon. The thought of giving up always came knocking in my head, pero hindi ako nawalan ng pag-asang magiging maayos rin kami.
Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari but Mom started to be okay again. I can still see the sorrow in her eyes but she manage to face our problems head on.
At nararamdaman kong gusto niyang bumawi sa akin. I appreciate her gestures of love kahit ramdam kong pinipilit lang niyang maging maayos.
Maybe, there is really someone high above that listens to our cries and prayers. Because I prayed really hard.
Two years after my Lolo's death, she decided to go back to the Philippines to help Uncle in the company. Naiwan ako kasama sila Auntie and Giannis to be with Lola. Mommy made it sure to visit me once a month.
She sold some of our properties, pati na rin ang ibang naiwan ni Lolo to pay the company's debts. She really wanted to save our company. With her leadership, unti unti namang nakabangon ang kompanya. Hindi mabilisan, umabot rin ng halos dalawang taon.
And after almost four years, umuwi kami ng tuluyan kasama si Lola sa Pilipinas.
The thought of coming back didn't hit me at first. Though my life in L.A seems like a dull routine, I got used to it. It became a part of me. It's something I can control. Walang bago. Walang unexpected. Nakaplano ang mga ginagawa ko araw-araw. I've crossed four year-calendars during ny stay and every single day was the same.
Empty.
But I was in control.
It's a constant cycle.
Because I hate change. I'm tired of it. Ang huling pagbabago sa buhay ko ay hindi naging maganda. Natatakot akong baka pagbalik ko, baka lalong lumalala.
Because change and I are never in good terms.
Change only brings pain to Troian Nevarez.
And it fucking did again.
The news of my parents' granted annulment welcomed me. Dagdagan pa ng balitang gustong pakasalan ni Dad ang kabit niya sa lalong madaling panahon pagkatapos niyang makawala kay Mommy.
Oh, and one more thing, they're also expecting a child.
To say that I'm mad at my father is an understatement. I'm disgusted of him.
Gusto ko siyang intindihin because he was a good father to me but I needed someone to hate this time. From all the fucks this life gave me. Sa lahat ng sakit. Siguro deserve kong may mapag-buntungan.
Lahat ng ito, dala dala ko nang muli tayong nagkita.
Your mom invited us for brunch a week after I came back. I was expecting to see you and your siblings.
Pero ikaw lang ang kasama ng mommy mo.
Bago ako umalis ng Pilipinas, you were the only good change that ever happened to me. You managed to make the timid and uptight girl feel alive and happy.
And when I came back, just an empty shell of a little woman. Tired and numb. And still dancing with her demons and pains.
Akala ko wala na kong nararamdaman. I thought I'm so used of the pain. I've been living with it for years that I don't even feel anything.
And then our eyes met.
Parang tanga lang.
I don't know what came to me but I felt like crying when I laid my eyes on you again. Parang sa nagdaang mga taon, ngayon lang ulit ako nakaramdam.
For all the years that I couldn't breathe, now I've got a taste of oxygen.
I was reminded of the boy that I completely forgotten. The boy who used to paint colors to my childhood. The boy who made me feel so alive. The boy that I adore.
My Sky.
And it felt like I was home.
However, you looked at me with those cold and indifferent eyes.
And that's when I started to notice that you've also changed.
Your every move was pretentious. You're acting like everything's all right.
That the distance and lost of connection are nothing.
That we didn't drift apart.
Sa harap lang ng mga nanay natin, at least.
Matapos ng mahabang kamustahan, which I politely answered, I excused myself from the table. I don't really like being the topic or the center of the attention lalo na kapag tungkol sa pinagkaabalahan ko sa ibang bansa.
And added to the fact that I can sense your piercing gaze and mocking smile whenever I utter a word or move.
I wasn't surprised when you followed me sa garden ng restaurant.
Layuan mo ko! Naiiyak lang ako lalo.
"You don't seem so happy to see me." Panimula mo.
Change may be my enemy. But I think change is your friend. Lalo na sa facial features and physique. You stood taller and more handsome from the memory of my boy, Sky.
"I am." Nagsasabi ako ng totoo. From all the numbness, I'm starting to feel again. Halo-halo na ngayon. And I am for certain that there is joy.
I looked straight at you. From smirking, your lips turned into a grim line.
I don't know if my eyes gave everything away. You see sadness, regret, and joy.
Longing. I'm sure you saw it.
"Really, huh?" You tilted your head and raised a brow. You slowly made your way closer to me. Too close.
"Kasi ako, I am so fucking happy, Troian." You mocked. You softly tucked my hair behind my ear. "How do you want me to welcome you?" I averted my gaze from you. I remained looking down.
"Do you want me to shout in glee because you're finally back?" You whispered huskily.
"Or..." You lifted my chin and made me look at you.
"Do you want me to welcome you with a kiss?"
I equalled your stares at hindi ka sinagot. Though my knees are turning weak, I didn't let you see that you're affecting me.
"Say it, Troian." You smirked. "Tangina kasi, hindi pwedeng mundo ko lang ang gugulo uli sa pagbalik mo."
"You are an asshole." Mataman kitang tinignan at tinulak.
Nakakainis ka Sky! Tangina, parang ginusto kong umalis ah? Bata lang ako. Wala akong choice kundi umalis dahil nakabubuti 'yun sa pamilya ko. And I regret not keeping in touch and forgetting about you!
Pero hindi ko pinili iyon. Hindi ko rin ginusto iyon. I just can't think of anything or anyone aside from my family.
I know you're mad at me for leaving but I can't believe you turned out to be one hell of an asshole!
"I am." You whisphered softly but I heard it. "Because of you."
That's when I realized that you're far from the warm boy from my childhood.
You're different from him.
Because my Sky won't ever look at me like that.
Cold and arctic eyes
You used to give me warm smiles
A lot has changed, Sky
Since the moment I failed to say goodbye.
-T.A
BINABASA MO ANG
I'll Remember
Teenfikce"No one you love is ever truly lost." -Ernest Hemingway Troian Nevarez likes to keep her true feelings to herself. She doesn't like to open up to others. She built walls strong enough not to let people in. Life played with her and the world had lef...
