You Make Me Beautiful

Chapter 5: What were you dreaming about?

-Sadie-

My mom left when I was 9. I was just old enough for it to effect me. I remember. Her and dad had a fight, again. She had been out with another man, again. She'd always cheat, then somehow convince my Dad that is was okay. My Dad let her walk all over him. One day he finally stood up for himself and told her she couldn't keep doing this to him, to me. She got mad, of course. And she went to her room, packed her suitcase, and left. And she didn't come back. There something off in that woman's head. We waited for her, hoping that she'd come back and my Dad could somehow make it right, but she didn't. And, even after how she treated him, my Dad blamed himself and became obsessed with his work. He eventually met Patricia and they "fell in love." You really can't call it that. Patricia wanted his money and he wanted me to have a mom and siblings. I don't think he realized that Patricia and her kids didn't want another girl in their family. So ever since then, I've felt unwanted, out of place. I can feel tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. But even now, with a new wife, two other beautiful kids, my Dad still lets them all walk all over him. My Dad's a push over. That is one part of his personality that I didn't inherit. I don't let anyone push me around, even if deep down all I want is love and to be where I belong. I just want my Dad to be more like me and tell me that I'm beautiful and pick me up and hug me. But no, he spoils Drake and Samantha with all his love and gifts, and I'm not sorry if I sound jealous, because I am jealous! Those two are spoiled brats. They don't know how to do anything for themselves and they're just plain mean. Drake pushes me around and makes fun of me. And then there's Samantha, of that Samantha... I could just... anyway. She always makes comments like: "Oh, sweety, I wouldn't wear that if I were you." Or, "You really can't pull that off." Or, "Did, you even brush your hair this morning?" Or, "You really should start wearing makeup, it'll cover up that face of yours." Or, "The only reason you get good grades is because the teachers feel bad that you look that way and that you are as dumb as you are." Her words cut deep. She makes me feel like a nothing. Tears start streaking down my cheeks. I remember where I am. I'm still on the beach with Davy.

♥

"Wow, Sadie. That's a lot." Davy says. "No one should be treated like that, how do you cope?"

"I just cry myself to sleep every night." I give a very fake laugh and smile. I told him most of what I was thinking, how can I not, I gotta get this stuff out sometime and it might as well be now and here and to him.

"You okay, now?" He asks.

"Ya, I think so." I check my phone, it's almost ten. "You hungry?"

"Starving, do you have food?"

"No, I just said that to torture you with your hunger. Yes, I have food." I stand up and get my backpack. He laughs. I bring the two granola bars back, and I sit. I kina torture myself with hunger, I think. Not on purpose. It's a habit.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"I literally haven't eaten since a protein bar at like five-thirty."

"Mhm, I'm starving too." I say, "I haven't eaten since dinner last night, I haven't eaten today."

"Is that healthy?"

"Well no, but I just don't get hungry."

"Oh."

"Well...I'm eating now." I open my granola bar and start eating it. We sit and eat. We watch as the waves come crashes in on the sand. In, and out. In, and out. I breathe deeply and listen. "It's so peaceful out here."

"It really is." We both take a deep breath in at the same time, we laugh. I smile, he smiles. This is the beginning of a very good friendship, I can tell. We get up and grab our things to walk home, we don't want our families worrying, not that they care. Not that they care at all.

♥

We are in my back yard. It's the evening and it's cool out. We're sitting in the grass and I'm staring into Davy's deep blue eyes. Our hair is blowing slightly in the soft breeze. He's staring back at me. He leans forward and tucks my hair behind my ear and whispers,

"You're beautiful, you know that?" And he leans in and I close my eyes. And I lean in- for a kiss........

"Sadie, get up." What-oh it was a dream. "You good for nothing, get up!!"

"I'm up, I'm up," I say, throwing off my covers, this is merely a routine for me: Get rudely waken up by Samantha, throw off my covers off and get up, hold my tongue. "Why are you waking me up so early on a Sunday?"

"Because Patricia wants to talk to you, I don't know why." Samantha begins to leave my room.

"Oh....Why was I dreaming about that?" I ask myself. I'm still shaking off my sleep as well as the dream.

"Dreaming about what?" Samantha peeks her head back in my room. "Was it about Daaavvvyyy?" That little twerp. How does she know? Who cares, she can't prove anything, I haven't done anything wrong.

"No. It's none of your business. Now get out."

"Fine, but you should know that Patricia doesn't actually want to talk to you, but rise and shine anyway." Oh, that little *****. I really should thank her. I can now go meet Davy on time. We planned to meet at the café at 10:00. That dream means nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I put on the same shorts from yesterday and a clean t-shirt. I throw my hair into a high ponytail and put on a fresh hoodie. And then I walk to my mirror, something I regret doing, but I keep doing every day. I'm literally so hard on myself, yet I don' do anything about it. I look at myself: My eyebrows, my few scars on my nose, my dry lips and messy hair. The only thing I like about myself, my eyes, a deep dark brown, are now watery. I tear away from the mirror. I wipe the tears from my cheeks. Oh, Sadie, stop crying. You're not worth crying over. Stop being such a big baby, I think, letting the voice in my mind take over. Just put on your shoes, put on that fake smile and keep pretending. Oh, and don't forget, don't eat before you leave, You already need to watch the carbs and plus you're going to go and eat something anyway. Now get up and go. I get up and grab my bag. I put on my fake smile, at least it's a little more genuine today because I am meeting someone who listens and doesn't ridicule me. I run downstairs. "I'm going out Patricia." I yell into the kitchen. I don't wait for an answer and I leave the house. It's sunny out, that always raises my mood.