SCENE THREE
(The boys bathroom, after rehearsal. CASPER is trying to wash the letters off his backpack when TIM walks in.)
TIM: I told you not to wash that off.
(CASPER busies himself with his backpack.)
CASPER: Wheres my homework?
TIM: Im talking to you, tall-ass!
CASPER: Why do you keep calling me that? Im not even that tall!
(TIM heads to a urinal.)
TIM: You could be, if you werent hunched over all scared all the time. The only thing more pathetic is the way youre sneaking off to a stall to get away from me.
(CASPER was trying to do just that. He stops, busted.)
TIM: Stalls for girls. You a girl, Casper?
CASPER: How can you talk to people while youre... Yknow.
TIM: Confidence.
CASPER: You might wanna...watch the floor...
(Because suddenly, TIM is twitching. As if hes receiving a message from beyond. He begins muttering to himself under his breath. Its creepy.)
CASPER: Uh... I just remembered I dont have to pee after all—
TIM: Dont move.
(CASPER freezes. Slowly, TIM zips up. Then turns to face CASPER. Menacing.)
TIM: You dont remember me freshman year, do you?
CASPER: You didnt go here freshman year—
(TIM pounds the wall. Scary.)
TIM: I DID! You just didnt notice. Nobody did!
The Squip Song
TIM: Freshman year,
I didnt have a girlfriend or a clue
I was a loser, just like you
Good times would only soar by.
I was gross, as every female would attest,
My sexting was a futile quest,
My little penis was depressed,
He was so lonely.
Poor guy.
I was hopeless, hopeless,
I was helpless, helpless,
Every time Id walk the hallway I would trip.
I was stagnant and I know I was
So suicidal and then
Then then
Then then
Then then
Then then I got a Squip.
CASPER: You got quick?
TIM: Not quick. Squip.
CASPER: Ive just never heard of it before.
TIM: Thats the point. This is some top-secret-cant-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit.
Its from Japan. Its a gray oblong pill
Quantum nanotechnology CPU.
The quantum computer in the pill
Will travel through your blood until
It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do.
CASPER: What? Thats not even possible.
(TIM shoves CASPER against a wall—)
TIM: Shut up, tall-ass!
(Beat, he realizes what hes doing and lets him go.)
TIM: Sorry, old habits. Look, I apologize for treating you like human garbage all the time. I only did it cause my squip said I had to. But now its saying youre not a bad guy. That you might want a squip of your own. Course, if youre not interested...
CASPER: So its like... (whispers) Drugs?
TIM: It's better than drugs, Casper.
Its from Japan!
Its a gray oblong pill
Quantum nanontechnology CPU
The quantum computer in the pill
Will travel through your blood until
It implants in your brain and it tells you what to do
It tells you what to do.
Its pre-programmed.
Its amazing.
Speaks to you directly.
You behave as its appraising
Helps you act correctly.
Helps you to be cool
It helps you!
Picture this!
Nobody cares if you are late,
Cause even teachers think youre great.
Your weekends just a full-on slate
Of blow-out benders,
Of teenage rock-star splendors!
Right now youre
Helpless, helpless,
You are almost hopless,
On the school social map youre just a blip
But if you
Take my advice and if you
Pay the listed price, well
Then you go from sad, to interesting, to hip
Yeah, your whole life will flip!
When you buy a Squip.
TIM: I got a hook-up, this guy works at Payless Shoes at the Menlo Park Mall. Its six hundred.
CASPER: Dollars?!
TIM: Its worth it. Bring the money on Monday. Youll see.
(TIM starts to exit.)
CASPER: Arent you gonna wash your hands?
TIM: Aw, man, Casper. You know what you need?
A Squip a Squip a Squip
No longer a drip when youve got in your grip
A Squip
(TIM exits. We follow CASPER from the bathroom to his bedroom, later that night.)
CASPER: Its from Japan.
Its a gray oblong pill
Quantum nanotechnology CPU
The quantum computer in the pill
Will travel through my blood until
It implants in my brain and it tells me what to do
It helps me to be cool
It helps me rule
YOU ARE READING
"Be More Chill: The Musical" But with oc's
General FictionBE MORE CHILL Music & Lyrics by Joe Iconis Book by Joe Tracz Based on the novel by Ned Vizzini BE MORE CHILL Characters: JEREMY HEERE/CASPER COLLINS, awkward high school junior CHRISTINE CANIGULA/ SHAWN CLARK, high school theatre boy, sweetly...
