Act 2: Scene 4 ("A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into: Reprise")

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SCENE FOUR

(The living room. The party is winding down, as TIM moves from guest to guest.)

TIM: You got any Mountain Dew Red?

(CASPER finds SHAWN on the couch, next to a PASSED-OUT PARTY MONSTER.)

SHAWN: Hey.

CASPER: Yo. So where is your date?

SHAWN: Hes having make-up sex with Skylar. So, my nights pretty awesome.

CASPER: Sorry.

SHAWN: Dont be. I dumped HIM.

TIM: It looks like normal Mountain Dew? But red?

CASPER: You dumped Felix? Why?? Sorry, you dont have to....

SHAWN: Im not Romeo. And, hes kind of a jerk, so...

TIM: SERIOUSLY! WHERE THE FUCK CAN I GET SOME MOUNTAIN DEW RED?

(Beat. SHAWN and CASPER stare at him. Then burst out laughing.)

SHAWN: Popular people are meeeeeeessssed uuuup.

CASPER: Word.

SHAWN: I mean, youre one of them.

CASPER: What? No Im not.

SHAWN: Hello, guy whos been Pucking his way through the cast of Midsummer.

CASPER: Im not— Pucking?

SHAWN: You like that? Just made it up. Boo-yeah. (CASPER is speechless) What?

CASPER: Its just... I dont know what Im supposed to say right now.

SHAWN: Say whatevers on your mind.

(Beat. CASPER thinks hard, opens his mouth...)

CASPER: (weird noise)

(SHAWN stares at him. CASPER cringes, embarrassed. Until...)

SHAWN: (different weird noise)

CASPER: (totally different weird noise).

SHAWN: (brand spanking new weird noise)

(Suddenly, the PARTY MONSTER freaks them out by making his own weird noise. They laugh and relax.)

SHAWN: Its kinda killer to sit and chat with you

CASPER: Really?

SHAWN: Its true, its pretty killer to sit and chat with you

CASPER: Its pretty killer for me too

BOTH: Woo hoo its pretty killer to hang and talk with you

Im glad that we both agree

CASPER: Shawn

Shawn

Shawn,

Will you go out with me?

(Pause.)

SHAWN: Casper, I...cant...

CASPER: I thought we were friends—

SHAWN: We are. But... I dont think I should go out with anyone until I know who I am. I know thats not what you wanted to... Im sorry.

(SHAWN exits. TIM, watching nearby, imitates an exploding bomb.)

TIM: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... CRASH! (beat) Got any Mountain Dew Red?

CASPER: Okay, this whole no-drinking-while-squipping thing? Would it have killed you to give me a warning? ...Tim?

(Suddenly TIM rises, as if an on-switch in his brain has been flipped.)

TIM: WARNING. WARNING. WARNING.

(TIM exits.)

CASPER: Okay, thats weird.

(ALEX appears.)

ALEX: Hello, Casper.

CASPER: About time!

ALEX: My absence was not ideal. But it was necessary. One moment while I review the data from this evening. (Beat.) Oh my.

CASPER: Its bad, right?

ALEX: We need to get you home.

CASPER: But—

ALEX: Now.

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