TORN

Nightmares!

[21]

Ever since Ellena's despicable death, I haven't been able to put a single peaceful sleep to my eyes. Every night I was torn from sleep with a shiver.

Thinking of all the things we have done together and all the things that I wish I could do more with her. But she was gone to the land of the dead. Far away to a better place and maybe to be my guardian Angel and maybe the most beautiful star that I would ever see in the sky.

Everything started to scare me. Watching the evening sky felt like a death note on my bed. I was scared of what I would see. I was afraid of the thoughts in my head.

Keeping myself busy, distracted me from ever thinking about her. But it was always at night, with the lights glaring in my eyes. No matter how many times I tried to escape from the suicide thoughts in my head, I kept being reminded of it all.

Her vulnerable body laying there in the casket, her body being lowered deep down there in the spiritual world and her innocent eyes that were to be shut for eternity. Made me want to cry my breath out.

How cruel. She deserved a happy ending, all she ever did, was be a good human in the middle of angry humans. I thought I would pray to God but my faith died the day I saw him take away my best friend's life. I blamed him for everything.

I needed strength but I didn't know where to find it, aside from kneeling down.

It was one dark night when I thought I had enough, I needed to let go, but I didn't know how. I needed to stop my anger and just move on. I needed a shoulder to cry on, to tell me that she's not really gone, that everything will be okay. But will it really?

Tears, and tears of Agony streamed down my cheeks. I never thought I could ever need anything except courage. I just had so many unanswered questions but I guessed it wasn't my place to question.

But I figured that as much as I wished for her to be there physically, She was never really gone. She was still alive in my heart, I'm just not sure how long I would cage her there.