The Story Of My Life

Trigger warning....

Hey guys.... 😔🙂👋 it's Thursday April 16, 2020, 11:10 pm. Idk if this'll be up within the last 50 mins of today but whatever.

I talked to my therapist today. It's been a long week. It was a good talk, pretty normal. Of course, I would have a full blown breakdown immediately afterwards... (literally like an hour later)

Have I talked about the man who helped conceive me? My "father?" Idk so I'm going to pretend I haven't for the sake of this making sense.

He's manipulative, mentally/emotionally abusive, narcissistic, self-righteous, homophobic... oh lord... he's so many things...

He got into my head once. I ended up with yet another trauma on my plate. I've known for some time that that household is unhealthy.

My father went to jail once, years ago. Initially I was told it was because of inappropriate contact with a younger girl, to sum it up. After he got out, I wasn't allowed to see him alone; someone else had to be present and that was usually my auntie Sunshine. (Love her to death).

We were very close, her and I. Eventually I was allowed to see him alone again then some time later my auntie left and cut contact. This was due to her mental health and the negative and abusive atmosphere our family radiates.

During the time my father had me "brainwashed," he told me what happened with the girl. He said she was my babysitter and they talked often. It's important to note that he said she pressured him into it.

During a regular checkup with my cfs agent, I repeated the story. This concerned them greatly. They came to one of my visits to supervise as he told me the "real" story.

He told me they met at church. They emailed often. But one day her mom found the messages and called the cops. He tried to humble himself by saying he should've said no (still implying that it was her fault just slightly more subtly).

My auntie came back recently. She didn't want to, but she had no where else to go. We're in contact again. We understand and trust each other. We're close. Even my mom has always thought highly of her.

I learned more today.

My auntie Sunshine is a pure and honest soul, who loves me very much. I asked for the truth and she gave it to me.

**What follows may be disturbing... it deals a lot with sexual harassment and worse.... **

Ok I'm going to go on now. Be warned this stuff isn't exactly a vibe....

My auntie Sunshine lived with the girls older brothers at the time. My father had lied a LOT. I know he lies a lot and I always had a feeling that he wasn't telling me the whole truth about the situation, but I didn't expect it to be this bad....

My father is a sexual predator, a pedophile who used what can only be described as mind games or psychological warfare to get what he wanted.

It wasn't just emails. He took advantage of that girl. She was 15. He was 29. They went all the way...

This took place not long after my mom broke up with him. My mom was 15 when they started dating, and 19 when they had me. As soon as she turned 18 he started calling her an "old woman."

So he has a thing for young girls. Explains why my mom made it clear that I was never to have friends over there...

My mother told me she attended one of the court cases. There was a massive binder completely full of text messages. It went on for years.

Now it's my understanding that this girl did in fact babysit me. I was a cute kid. Happy and innocent; everyone loved me and Alisa was no exception.