The Story Of My Life

*sigh*

Wednesday April 22, 2020, 10:47pm

Why must I be such an emotional, bipolar, sensitive, mood-swinging piece of sh*t when I'm hormonal? (Yes it's that time of the month idec at this point whatever.)

No I'm not ok. Will I be ok later? Probably. Do I need sleep? 100%. Am I ok rn? Absolutely not.

I'm a mess, everything is all over the place on its own without adding in external factors but then here comes my sensitivity sending me into a depression and self-doubt/hatred cycle again.

Yeah I'm about to cry. Do I care? No.

Maybe I'm done caring. No that's stupid. I always care. And I know I'm just feeling a lot rn. There's a lot happening in my life rn and it's taking a toll on me.

Idk. If I'll be ok... like I am every other time... it doesn't get easier tho.

I really wanna cry. I think that'd help. Even tho I had a whole ass breakdown not long ago but oh well. I need it.

Why must I be the way I am? I know someone (cough ash cough cough) will tell me I'm great the way I am but I'm not. I'm really not. Maybe I can be somewhat half decent to those I care abt at times, MAYBE, but I'm not ok on my own.

I'm self destructive, messy, emotional, sensitive, easily broken, the list goes on and on. At lunch today I forgot how to make soup. I just stood there like the confused gay trash I am.

I'm a hopeless mess and I hate it. I hate everything. Ugh. I know it's just hormones... it's just hormones... but that doesn't help. Logic doesn't work when I get like this.

All I can do is wait it out and go to sleep... it doesn't fix the problem... but it keeps me alive ig...

That got dark, I'm sorry. I'll be fine. This'll pass like it always does... but it's like I've said many times before; it never gets any easier.

I'm gonna go try to cry myself to sleep now...

I love you all and hope you're all doing ok, genuinely I really do. I want you all to be ok 💙