a great mess ✔️

HOTBS chap.5

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I've promised you, so here you go
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"Wha... what are you doing here?"

"I... I came here to apologise and talk things out and hopefully, we can start all over again?" I gave him my pleading eyes and he eventually gave in, letting me come into his house. The frown remained still on his face as he motioned me to take a seat. There were lots of things happened here and yet this place felt so strange for me.

"Talk"

"I uh... I'm sorry for being a coward and leaving you behind but I was hoping to start all over again? I can't bear losing you, George. Being away from you is way too much for me. I'm sorry it took me these long to release it, but now I know that I can't live without you. The late-night calls and another text is not enough for me. It broke me knowing that you are here all alone in the middle of a busy city with no one but yourself and in pain. I know that I'm the one that caused the pain, but... but I was hoping that we can fix this up? I miss you, George and you know that I still love you too. I can't bear seeing us act like a stranger like this any longer." I said, hoping to shed my intention. He kept silence, looking at me with narrowed eyebrows and I know he was trapped in his thoughts.

"Can you say something, please?"

"You can't... you can't just show up here and wish for everything to be all fine again, Reece. That's not, that's not how it works."

"I know"

"Why are you even here? You're the one that breaks things in between us. You're the one that left and yet here you are, pop out from god knows where hoping for things to be the same. Don't you think you've caused enough pain?"

"G, that's not my intention. You know I would never hurt you purposely."

"And yet you did. You left without telling me, you suddenly broke things in between us and... And you left, Reece! You left me! All alone, with no one but myself! You promised me we would go through everything together but no, you choose to make a decision by yourself and just... just leave"

"George, I know okay? I know that it was me being the dummy I am, but can't you see that I regret every second of it? Although the reason behind why I did that all is as clear as crystal, I regret every minute being away from you. It hurts me to know that you're hurting here and I'm sorry for that. That's why I'm hoping we can talk this out and move on"

"We can't just move on, Reece. We can't just pretend that shit didn't hurt and never happened."

"I'm not saying we should pretend and shits, I'm saying we should move forward instead of keeping hurting ourselves like this."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"What? That you cause this chaos in the first place but then you try to push me away when I want to fix things? I still remember clearly that you were begging me at the airport, suppliant for me to stay and fix things" I stated brokenly.

"Don't. Remind. Me"

"But that's the truth, George. I'm sorry that it took me so long to finally release things, I'm sorry that it took me leaving you before I come back to you. I'm sorry that you hurt me but I still love you being I'm just that dumb. Do you really expect me to do nothing when you did those things to me? I'm sorry George, but I can't"

"DON'T REMIND ME! Can't you see that the guilt still eating me alive? Can't you see that I regret everything I've done to such an angel like you? It tears me apart knowing you were hurt by me, by my act, by my words. I cried myself to sleep every night, hoping that you would stay, praying that I wasn't such a mess. I'm sorry I'm such a fucked up and create this chaos, but... but you can't just expect things to go back to normal Reece. We've all changed, I'm trying to accept that fact here but you just randomly show up on my doorstep, asking to start all over again. That's not how it works, Reece" I didn't reply, the loud sob leaving my mouth at his confession. Both of us have tears in our eyes, it just matters of time before both of us turn into a sobbing mess.

"I love you, Reece and you know that. But I can't bear the thought of hurting you again. I'm scared that the past will repeat itself, that's why I'm so hesitant about this all. I'm sorry that I can't give you want you want, what we want. But I can't hurt you even more than I already did"

"Doesn't it hurt you too? Us being a mess like this, losing our focus, and keep being in a war like this. Why won't you just give us another chance? I know you want it, we both want this, George, but why do you fight it? I know you still care deeply for me, why do you hide it? Let's just go back to basic because I hate to see us like this and I know you do too."

"Yes, it hurts me too, but I can't, Reece. It hurts too much. I'm so sorry but there won't be any 'us' anymore"

The room grew silent. The only sound heard was just my sobs and his heavy breath, trying his best to not break down too. The tension was so thick in the air, it's sickening. I wiped the tears harshly, trying to compose myself before speaking.

"If that's what you want, I'll... I'll accept it."

He looked at me with teary blue eyes, pain and sadness evident in his eyes. But I know I can't stay, I know I can't give in and comfort him. What's the point anyways? He doesn't want me anymore, he doesn't want us anymore. There'll be no more 'us' therefore I shouldn't be here anymore. I grabbed my luggage and stood up from the couch.

"So I guess this is a goodbye then?" I asked quietly, he keeps looking at me, not saying a thing and not showing any emotion other than pain and sadness. I sighed heavily, nodding my head at nothing in particular before dragging myself out of the house, out of his life. If we're meant to be, I believe that we'll be together again. If not in this world then maybe in another world.