a great mess ✔️

RAD chap.5

"Do you want to clean up and put clothes on first?"

"No, I want to stay in this embrace for as long as I could. We don't know where this talk will lead us." I said, smiling sadly at the fact. He flashed me a small understanding smile but nodded his head nonetheless. At least I know that he still cares about my well being.

"You start it then since you're the one that wanna talk"

"I don't know anymore about us, Reece. Like, I love you, you love me, but not in the same way, that's how it feels like for me these past few weeks. Like, some days you're the best thing in my life, but sometimes when I look at you I see a complete stranger. I still want us, you know. I want us to work this out like we promised each other at the beginning of our relationship. I miss the Reece that I fell for that day, the Reece that always put everyone first before himself, the Reece that always so open and talkative, the Reece that always so composed no matter what the circumstance is. I miss that Reece and I want that Reece back. I love you, I do, but I'm not fond of the Reece you are today. It saddened me to watch you changing but into the worse not the better, it hurts me a lot knowing that there's nothing I can do to save you since you were too far gone and we both were too stubborn. I want you to open up to me, talk everything out instead of bottling it all up inside, you know that when you're with me no judgement. I'm not calling you a psycho, but you barely show any emotion other than anger nowadays. I miss you, Reece. And I really want to help you, but you have to let me in."

"So that's it then? We fuck, we fight, and you call me psycho?"

"Is that the only thing that you caught?"

"You can't seriously call me a psycho for drinking and using drugs," He said, untangling himself from me. But I was quick though, I gripped his wrist in my hand, pulling him back down into our tangled mess.

"No more ripping each other head, remember? Keep your calm, compose yourself. We need to have this talk no matter if we want to or not." I said softly, trying my best to reassure him. He sighed but nodded nonetheless.

"Right, sorry. Continue"

"I don't ever wanna lie to you, but I can't say no to you. I know you think I'm bulletproof, but you know how to hurt me too. It's a chaos, you know. Like, in the dark we're black and white and can barely see a thing, but in the morning we're colour-blind and it's even harder to see things. When you tell me you love me then you wanna leave me, pouring your pills down the sink, saying it's not what you think, I don't know anymore. I don't know if I love you, don't know if I hate you, I can't forget it but somehow, in some way, I'll always let you and the next morning, I'll wake up to my mistake again" I said, smiling sadly at him. I saw his eyes filled with tears, clouding the amber green.

"No, love, don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry and I don't want pity"

"Did I seriously create that chaos? I don't deserve you, George. Why are you even still here? You should have left already. I'm hurting you George, bad! So, so badly, don't you see that? I'm ruining you, I'm ruining us. I messed everything up and it was just because of my stupidity. I can't do this to you anymore George." He choked out brokenky. I shushed him softly, preventing more tears to fall down his rosy cheeks.

"I'm glad that you can see my point now, but that's not why I state them out. I won't leave you, Reece. I've promised you that since a long time ago and I'm keeping that promise. I just want you to tell me why I want you to open up to me instead of drowning it in liquor and drugs. I just wanna help, I want both of us to work things out, not just me or just you. We start this together and that means also solving everything together too, do you understand that?"

"That's the thing, George. I... I don't know"

"I know you won't like this, but how does a couple therapy sound? I mean, if you don't even know yourself then obviously you can't tell me and I can't help you, but maybe if we talk it out to a stranger that is a professional, maybe we'll get our answer?"

"Do you really think it'll works? I'm too far gone, George. I don't think anybody can save me."

"I'm sick of sadness and you're sick of Xanax, don't you think that's a great enough hope for this to work?"

"But my mind is complicated and I find it hard to rearrange it. But if this therapy is what you believe to solve the chaos I've made, then so be it. I'll have to find a way somehow, I overreacted lately, found it hard to say I'm sorry, but I beg your forgiveness now, I'm sorry it took me so long to realise this but I'm sorry," He was full-on sobbing mode now and I can't do much but rubbed his back soothingly. I kissed his sweaty forehead, earning attention from him.

"I guess we lost our focus and even though it's killing me that we go in a war like this, at least you realise your mistake now. Let's just go back to basic, 'cause I hate to see us like this. Tell me you want it, Reece. That's all I need to know right now"

"If honesty means telling you the truth, well I'm still in love with you and that's everything I've ever wanted. I promised I'll make it up to you somehow"

"Then we'll be alright," I said, smiling a genuine smile for the first time in weeks.

"It'll be alright"

"I love you, Reecey. Thank you for trying"

"I love you, George. Thanks for still being here and believing in me"

Ik that I said (and even swore) that the previous chapter is my favourite one, but I swear, I love this one just as much as the previous one, since it's basically still the same event from the same day, it's just as smooth as the previous chapter. I love it a lot, you don't understand, ughhh 🤯🤩

But anyway, this is the end of
Rose And Dagger,
what dya guys think?? You love it?
You like it? You enjoy it?

HMU and tell wdyt
I would love to talk with y'all
😉😜

See you soon
xoxo