i dream of you each night since everything happened. i've started to lose track of how many i've had, and i've struggled to differentiate memories from fantasy.
at first i dreamt of us together laid up together in a field of beautiful sunflowers and wild violets, and cool wind. every time the wind would blow my hair on my face you would gently brush it away and tuck it behind my ears. you told me you loved me before kissing me and grabbing my waist to pull me on top of you, just to tickle me. i hope you dream of me the same.
i then dreamt about moving in with you, having our own kitten and puppy, which we couldn't settle on names for yet. waking up and making breakfast with you in our pajamas on a sunday morning, playing quiet swing music. you take my hand and dance with me slowly as you drink your coffee, carefully without spilling it. we stayed in and played card games just enjoyed each other's company. i hope you dream of me the same.
i dreamt about us having a fight. you throwing things and getting in my face, calling me things you promised not to. i could physically feel your anger and the heat on you as you got closer to me before i slipped away. your face softened as soon as i left the room. i could see you relax and see you start to ask where i am. asking if i'm okay, asking if i'm coming back. begging me to come back. i felt the regret of everything you said after it was too late and i was already gone. i hope you dream of me the same.
it's been a week since my last dream of you.
i last dreamed of seeing you again, running into you at the store and having a casual discussion. ignoring the fire burning in my chest of course. you told me about how much you've improved at your job and how you're working on yourself, you happened to slip in how much you missed me. that's exactly what i needed to hear. i let you know how things have been ever since and how i've been coping, without mentioning that i missed you too. you hugged me and i couldn't help but squeeze you tighter than i ever have. you whispered in my ear "i hope you come back home, it's hard without you." it felt real. i hope you dream of me the same.
