Little Green Stars

Chapter 12-Netflix and Chill (I mean freak)

 It's 11:13 pm, and I'm so freaking tired but can't sleep. I don't know what has me more shook, the fact that Jin is laying next to me, waiting for me to fall asleep or the fact that Jin is laying next to me waiting to see if I'll try and murder him when I do fall asleep. Besides the fact that this has been the weirdest night of my life, it's actually been really fun—which might just be the strangest part of this whole messed up situation. 

Jin and I are so similar and yet so different, but the things we have in common are so random that it's weird yet not weird at the same time. I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that earlier today, he was literally running down a hallway to get away from me, and now he's in my bedroom watching Netflix.

"You seriously need to fall asleep," Jin says, setting his second empty can of Bang down beside him."Just try closing your eyes."

"Well, it would help if you picked a boring show. Everyone knows you only watch the shitty shows on Netflix. It's just background noise."

"For what, Netflix and chill?"

My cheeks become red at the thought.

"But what would I know? I've never Netflix and chilled," Jin adds while air quoting the chilled part.

"Me either," I admit as laughter emerges between our matched loserdom.

"Hey, at least we can say we Netflixed and Freaked," Jin adds, as he starts bouncing his hand up and down on his knees. The two cans of Bang must be getting to him.

"Netflixed and Freaked? That somehow sounds worse than Netflix and Chill."

Jin shrugs slightly and gives me a sly smile. "You know what I mean."

Sadly, I do, and what we're doing is one hundred percent NOT sexual—it's scary as shit. BUT that doesn't mean that it's not fun or exciting.

"What helps you fall asleep?" Jin asks, turning off the TV, causing little green stars to become visible from my nightlight.

"I don't know. I usually go right to sleep."

"Seriously?" Jin asks as we both sit staring up at the green stars on my ceiling.

"Why, you don't?"

"I've always had a hard time sleeping. My mom says I have a busy mind. When I was little, she'd give me warm milk to help me sleep."

"That's so gross," I cover my mouth to stop my obnoxious laugh. I turn on my side to face him, still laughing. "Hot milk?!"

"It's actually hella good!" Jin says, turning on his side to face me too. "And it works!"

"What about your Mom when you were little? What would she do when you couldn't sleep?"

"I uhh..."

"Sorry..." Jin says, bringing his hand over his face.

"No, it's okay. I actually never talk about her because my sister Maeve hated her, and it's usually just an argument about how my happy memories are just lies to cover up my dysfunctional childhood—typical Maeve bullshit. But honestly, I wouldn't mind talking about her. I actually miss her a lot."

"Why do you never talk about her?"

"Maeve wasn't the only one who hated her. My mom had a reputation, like a bad one, and it kind of carried over to me if you haven't noticed. No one wants to talk about the town crazy, especially not with her evil spawn."

"Well, I do. Tell me something you loved about her."

I'm pretty sure that in my sixteen years of life, no one has ever asked me that. "Well..." I hesitate, feeling thrown off by the opportunity to say something nice about my mom. "I guess one thing I loved about her was that every night before bed she'd turn on my stars—"

"These ones?" Jin says, pointing above us.

"Yes, she'd turn them on and then rub my back until I fell asleep. Every single night until..."

"What else?"

"Well, the only dessert she would make was red velvet cake. She was obsessed with it. Every single birthday or holiday we'd have a red velvet cake. She was eccentric, but in a good way like she cared a lot about things. She loved all animals except crows. She HATED crows. If she saw them, she'd go outside and crow."

"Like literally?" Jin laughs.

"YES! She'd literally freaking crow at the top of her lungs until they'd leave."

"What else?" Jin shakes his head, trying not to laugh.

"Shh!" I remind him before continuing. "She loved trees, and I mean LOVED trees. She built that treehouse in the yard for Jaxson and me to play in."

I like talking about my mom. It's nice to say something good about her. But how do I tell Jin what happened to her in the end? By now, my eyes have adjusted to the dark enough to see Jin pretty clearly, and I definitely like what I see. Shit. I think I like Jin Caldwell. Honestly, I've never had a crush on anyone. Why so does my first crush have to be on a boy I'm trying to kill? Oh ya, it's because my whole life is destined to be ironic, that's why.

"Turn around," Jin says.

"What?"

"I'll rub your back until you fall asleep," he says, almost shy as if he wasn't sure if he should say it or not.

I don't even know how to respond.

"Look, we need you to go to sleep. It's in the name of science."

I smile at his dumb joke, before turning over to my left side, waiting anxiously for a foreign hand to touch my back.

I feel his hand brush over my shirt and jump back quickly.

"What's wrong?" I whisper, instantly feeling embarrassed.

"Sorry, still getting used to the fact that you're you."

"As opposed to Red Lady?"

"...Yeah," Jin says as his hand returns to my back and to graze it slowly.

"12:30. Set an alarm in case you fall asleep," I remind Jin.

"I won't, I drank two Bangs, and I'm too nervous."

"You scared I'm gonna kill you?" I ask, nervously laughing to cover up my fear.

"There's a lot of things about you that scare me, more so now than before," Jin says as his voice drops.

I want to ask him what he means, but I also don't. Maybe if I hold onto the ambiguity of his words, it'll keep the subconscious demon inside me from trying to kill him. As I lay feeling his hand move shyly across my back, I realize that this is the first time anyone has rubbed my back other than my mom. Somehow, even though it's awkward, I find my eyes getting heavy. He's not very good at this whole back rub thing, but it's still calming. For a minute, I'm reminded of Mom, and I feel a smile stretch across my face as my eyes get heavy.