𝕊𝕆𝕄𝔼𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼𝕊 𝕐𝕆𝕌 | Minsung

It's Him

Every word reminded me of him. The lyrics felt so close to home. I could feel him staring at me through the song when he wasn't even in the room.

I've hated him. My entire life I've hated him. I told myself that over and over. But the lyrics...

His big brown eyes. The dumb dirty checkered vans that he wore every day to school back then. The way I got annoyed when he would talk to everyone else normally, but be mean to me.

I couldn't move. I could barely breathe. This was impossible. When I wrote that song I never meant-

No. No. No.

The song finally stopped. Chan looked at me. I stood with my hand, pressing the pause button. I couldn't listen to it anymore.

"Jisung." Chan held my arm as a way of comforting me as he spoke, wanting me to talk to him about this.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about."
I stepped back from the computer. My hands were shaking. This isn't what I wanted. I didn't even want to move back to Seoul. This was all Minho's fault. My anger. My sadness. My confusion. It's all his fault.

Chan got up to walk towards me.

"Jisung...I know you don't want to admit it but I think you might lo-" I turned away from him breaking his sentence.

"Don't say it! Just don't say it." My hands clamped around my head. Why did it hurt so much? Why was my chest aching so badly?

My knees gave in as I kneeled on the hardwood floor. The tears started to fall again.

Chan immediately wrapped his arms around me again. I didn't even bother. I left myself to cry onto his shoulder. What else was I supposed to do? I was ruined.

-

I didn't go to school the next day. I couldn't. I was too confused. Deep, deep down, I knew Chan was right. I knew that song was about Minho but I refused to admit it since the minute I wrote it. Even if the only time we talked was when we were insulting eachother, I didn't care, because at least he was talking to me.

No one else would. No one else even bothered to give me a second look. The first day Minho ever talked to me, he told me I walked funny. I was annoyed that he would say such a thing to a person he didn't even know but it was the first time someone had said something to me at school, ever. Then he continued to say things like wobbly legs, anime boy, the list went on. Eventually I started to say things back, blabber mouth, boney fingers, try hard. We would go back and forth everyday. I really did hate him. So when had I changed my mind?

Somehow I knew exactly when I changed my mind. Like the memory was burned in the back of my head only to now be resurfacing.

"Squirrel."

The first time he called me that I felt my stomach turn. He had made fun of my weird eating habits and my puffy cheeks but he had never called me squirrel. The way he looked at me when he said it. The smirk that had become his signature. Ever since that moment I think I started to hate him less and less. I would still talk back, we would still fight, like the routy eleven year-olds we were, but ever since that day I kind of enjoyed it. I enjoyed his chuckles of victory and his grunts of defeat. I just didn't realise it until now.

I didn't go to school the day after either.

Or the day after that.

I was planning to run into the weekend, my mum still thinking I was sick, and me not having been to school any day this week except Monday...until Felix texted me.

Aussielix
Hey Ji
Please tell me your coming to school
We have music today and I don't wanna sit with Minho hyunngg

Jisung
Sorry Felix
I'm sick

Aussielix
Stop lyinnggg
I know you aren't sick
Please come to school
I'll do anything

Jisung
...

Aussielix
Oh ik!
I'll get you cheesecake!

Jisung
Felix don't
I seriously can't go to school today

Aussielix
10 cheesecakes
Free of charge
Anytime you like
You just say when

Jisung
Fine

Aussielix
YES

Jisung
I'll be there in twenty

I knew if I didn't hurry up I'd be late but would that really be a bad thing? Actually, yes it would. Too much of a risk of getting detention and if I get a detention I could run the risk of getting a detention with Minho and that could not happen.

I hawled myself out of the bed I was in. I didn't have time to shower so I shoved on a pair of black, ripped skinny jeans and a grey over-sized hoody. I looked in the mirror.

My hair was a mess. I looked at my phone. No time.

I shoved a headband on, grabbed my stuff and left.

I didn't want to go to school but part of me knew I had to get through it at some point. Otherwise what was I going to do? Drop out? Not for Minho I wasn't.