Untameable (BWWM)

Chapter 24

"So we've addressed the forced marriage, communication, the interracial relationship, children... Mrs. Augustus. How about we talk about you? Did you ever tell your husband the truth about how you feel about him?"

"I did. The night he came back home. I've been showing him a lot more affection also. I'm sure he's getting tired of it—"

"Literally never. I could drown in your affection and die happy."

I shook my head as I giggled at him. "I tell him how glad I am to have him in my life. I hold onto him every chance I get. Sometimes, all night long. Almost losing him really put things into perspective. It really scared me when he told me he was leaving."

"Why is that? Is it because you never thought he would?"

"Basically."

"You thought he would let you use him any way that he would allow you to?"

I nodded in shame. "Yes. In my defence, he's the one who's always said he would never leave. And no matter how hard I tried to get rid of him in the past, he never left. So I never believed he ever would. I am a user when it comes to Grant. And an abuser. I can admit that."

"Did you ever apologise?"

"Yes. Well no. Not for that specifically."

"Apologizing can assist in repairing relationships by getting both parties talking again and can also make them feel comfortable with each other again. Now is as good a time as any to do so."

I began to chew on my upper lip as nervousness and anxiety set in. I could feel my the beginnings of a few gallon tears welling in my eyes. I was afraid to look up at my husband's awaiting gaze but when I did, I saw so much kindness and sincerity. It made me hate myself for the way I've treated him in the past. "I was wrong for the way I have spent these years mistreating you. It wasn't right and I have always known that. But I also have always relied on the idea that you would never leave so I continued to be horrible to you. I'm sorry, G. I know that you're irreplaceable in my life and that I wouldn't want to spend my years on this earth with anyone other than you. You deserve better. You deserve better from me as your partner. And I'm so sorry."

By the time I'd finished, my face was a whole disgusting mess of snot and tears. My Kiss No.11s wouldn't last too long after all this unnecessary crying.

Doctor Wilde handed me a box of tissues and I snatched about three of them from her wicked decrepit ass.

Grant wrapped his large arms around me and like always, I melted in his embrace. Just the smell of his Old Spice and beard oils could tranquillise me. "I married every part of you. Even your hatefulness towards me," he laughed. "I love you, baby. And wouldn't have you any other way. But I'm glad that you think enough of me to acknowledge your faults and apologise for them."

I nodded my head against his chest and continued to saturate his dress shirt with my crying. So unattractive. I didn't cry for much longer, seeing as we're not paying this woman to sit here and stare at me breakdown into tears. I straightened up and dabbed at my cheeks.

"How are you?" she asked me.

"Better."

"How do you feel now that you have apologised?"

"Better. It needed to be done and it should've been done a long time ago."

"If Grant hadn't come into your life, where do you think you would be right now?"