Love in the Time of Corona

12

The next day, I think I'm feeling better. I think.




Sometimes I have thoughts where I think everything that I feel must have been just some scenario that I have imagined... not really certain of the peobability of its occurence, but I still worry myself. I feel sad, because I think so much. If I try to divert  my short-spanned attention, I'm pretty sure that it'll only cause me more anxiety. One thing's for sure though, I am aware that all of these are justcoming from ane... running through the circles I've created in every corner of my mind.



As usual, my daydreaming has to have an intervention, which is, of course, my one and only brother.


"Hi."

"Morning." I said curtly.



He sat by the side of my bed. "How you feelin', Krys? Dana was so worried about you." That made me turn around, facing the wall. It's always like that, she'll be worried... then that's it.





My muscles started to feel tense. I hope this is not what I think it is.

I can see nothing, but I feel the pain. I can't move my body, it's like I'm trapped, physically and mentally... and I hate it when this happens.

I can hear Kio asking, "Panic attack?"  And even if I can't make myself to say something or even nod, he gets it.




"Get up. Let me help you." He softly said, though struggling to put me in a sitting position. I'm still hard rock, but I'm fighting it. I'm trying to gain control. It's just some nasty thought that never goes away but it's just a thought. I know I can take control. I have to.




Kio got me a glass of water. Eventually, I softened. I finally am in control.


"Sorry." I muttered.



"That's... normal." He struggled to say, cause I know myself that no, it's not normal. Sad thoughts are not supposed to linger. Most importantly, these are not the things that's supposed to kill you. We shouldn't drown ourselves with the bubbles that we crafted,  ourselves. They're just floating around, but they have to be popped before it gets into us.

I'm definitely not expecting him to say anything but then he says, "I feel that way sometimes too." I just patted his shoulder. I don't have anything to say.



As far as I know, yawning is contagious. Coughing, too. Little did I know, it's not just in tge things we do. Our feelings can be contagious too. If I feel enthusiastic about something, the people around me would automatically feel the same. They'd feel happy. For me. It sometimes feels like a cycle. Or maybe it's just me. Some part of my brain might be malfunctioning that's why I don't catch up well.






Now that I am in control, I'll try to transmit something positive, although I don't always have the words to say. Maybe, I can start through little gestures that some people might appreciate.

By that, I asked, "Wanna walk?"