Love in the Time of Corona

22

Caden nodded in a meaningful manner, looking like he's trying to absorb and understand every single word that I've uttered. I don't expect him to forget everything immediately... but I do hope that someday, this act of opening up to him can heal the scars I caused him.

I held his hand, "Thank you, Cade, that you still listened to me. You lessened the load on my plate. You gave me a chance to redeem myself." I felt that he got tensed but eventually, he loosened up.

"Thank you, too... for telling me everything I have to know." He sighed. "But as much as I want to forgive you right at this moment, I can't stop thinking about those days that I thought I'm lacking. I thought I wasn't enough. For you." He paused and held my hand tighter. "Although I'm a very stable person, eveything just started to crumble. My will, my self-esteem, my happiness... just everything, in general. I lost myself when I lost you."

I stared into his eyes and I saw the storm he went through. He is indeed a very established man, as I can remember. That is one of the best things about him. I mentally smiled at that thought.

But hearing his words and seeing him like this pierces my heart more. I didn't really anticipated that when I thought I'm protecting him from more heartbreak, ironically, I destroyed him instead. I thought I'm being heroic when in reality, I became the villain.

"After that summer, even if it pains me, I've gone to the places I've brought you. I don't know why but when I did, I felt relieved. I genuinely knew in my heart that what we had was real... and that I just have to accept things just the way they are, that we were never meant to be in the way I wanted." He quickly wiped the tear that was about to fall from his eyes. "Nonetheless, I am very grateful for the chance. I'm happy that you became honest and gave me what I deserve. I know you know that eventually, I'll forgive and forget... just give me time. Remeber this, though. Forgiven or not, you're always welcome to lean on any of my shoulders. We can go back to the friends that we were before we started seeing each other romantically." He planted a soft kiss on my forehead. I felt the urge to hug him and I didn't fight it. I tenderly wrapped my arms around him and he did so, too.

"Thank you, Caden. I love you... in a platonic way." I declared, which made him chuckle.

"I love you in a platonic way, too. Let's get you home. You'll need some rest." For a moment, I totally forgot about home. Caden have this effect on me and it makes me forget things. He gently held my hand and got me out of the place.

On our walk home, we passed by Damon's residence. I made a mental note to have things settled with him too. The walk was silent. It was the silence that feels so peaceful. I almost wanted to not go home but of course, that's just not practical.

Eventually, we have reached my place. Awkwardly, no one really lets go of each other's hands. I am aware that even if I set things straight between us, it will never be too easy for us to go from the romantic to the platonic. We are each other's first kiss, it's kind of understandable.



If it wasn't for my Dad greeting us from inside, we would've stayed like that for a long time.



"Krystal! Why don't you ask Caden for some snacks? Your mother prepared something." Dad offered sincerely.



"Thanks, Marc... but I'll have to pass. Mom asked me to help her with dinner. My grandparents are coming over." He said respectfully.



"Oh, sure. Tell Aunty Jane and Uncle Terry I said Hi, alright?" He widely smiled then turned to me. "I'll go inside  Krys."




When I saw him go inside, I turn to look at Caden. No words are escaping my mouth even if I want to. We just stood there for almost two minutes. Eventually, I looked at my wrist watch and saw that it's almost five-thirty. I smiled at him and said, "I feel like you should go, if you still wanna help Lara to cook for your grandparents."



He lowered his gaze and nodded. "I guess I should." He was about to walk towards the left side of the road when I pulled him. He looked surprised with what I did, but more flustered with what I did next. I tiptoed and kissed him in the cheek. I smiled sweetly.



"Thanks again." That's when I decided to run inside my house and rushed to my room.




I know it's still very early but I've decided to get ready for bed. I took out a pair of bright-colored, silk pyjamas. I washed my face and wore an aloe vera facemask. It really relaxes me when I do skin care.




After finishing my nighttime routine, I tried to write some of the inputs from earlier's. Even if school's on break, I have to keep my works ongoing. I typed some snippets of what has happened today in my private journal. It feels so good to write real things aside from my anxieties and complaints. As I expected, my lids started to droop and I yawned. Must've been the ugly-crying aftermath.




I tucked myself under my sheets and and uttered some prayer. Even if I heard my door open, I let myself fall asleep.