Love in the Time of Corona

17

The next day, I woke up feeling very refreshed. This feels new to me and if I'm gonna be honest, this feels too good to be true. BUT I brushed the thought off. I'd only feel unhappy if I think I am. I'm still relaxing on my bed when Georgia came rushing in my room.

"Georgia. What's up?" Of course, I had to be casual, even if I feel like my safe zone got invaded. I slightly fixed my morning hair and sat up straight.

"Hey. I... I know how desperate and below-the-belt this may seem. I... um... I apologize beforehand but... does your mom plan to get back with Marc?" I studied her facial expressions. I know this might not be the perfect time to analyze and read people based on their body language but from what I know, it can help you speak up in an accurate and considerate manner. Unfortunately, even if I know that she's way too thirsty for answers, I don't have the means to satisfy her.

"To be completely honest with you, I can feel that Mom's still hung up on Dad, just like you." I noticed her cheeks flushed. "I kinda think that in the back of her mind, she still have feelings. The thing is, she never really admits what she feels. I know it's unbelievable but we never really have those kinds of talks... cause I avoid them myself." I cleared my throat. "I'm so sorry, George. I really don't know."

  

She lightly smiled. "Right. Uh, never mind that, 'kay? Anyway, I came to say bye." That got me up on my feet.

"Do you really want to leave?" I bluntly asked, knowing what her answer will be.

"I need to. It doesn't depend on my desires anymore." She pulled me into a hug. I tapped her back. She eventually breaks the contact and goes out of my room.

I decided to stay a little longer and lie on my bed, just staring into nothingness. Why does it feel constricting sometimes, like we don't have any options but do things against our will? Why does that feeling occur when humans are actually gifted with free will?

I then remembered that one line from a book we've read in junior high. It was from the book 'The Fruit of the Tree' by Edith Wharton, who's a very talented author. She had this one quote that never escaped my mind. 'It was easy enough to despise the world, but decidedly difficult to find any habitable region.' I personally have a deep repugnance to how the state of my family turned out. I hate that they have to split up. I hate the thought that Mom's not affected of it all, like she didn't have to cope with their separation. I hate how indecisive my Dad can be at times and that he doesn't take control of things when it's badly needed. I hate that everything's just there, settling in my head, not going anywhere else. I have to admit, I hated the world for being seemingly unfair.

That's how I spent my days during high school. I remember those times when nice girls tried to sit next to me but I don't talk back to them. I remember how reserved I seemed to be. I sighed as I reminisce. How did it all changed?

After some more moments, I heard loud, consecutive knocks on my door. Based on my judgement, it's probably my Mom.

"When are you planning to get your day going? Ha? Get up! Help us out. Georgia's going somewhere." It is. She's usually like this, even in Korea. She'd wake me up even during weekends and make me do things I usually don't.

"Yeah. I've heard." I muttered, as I walked towards the bathroom.

"So, you two have been talking a lot, huh?" She leaned in the bathroom door as she watch me brush my teeth.

"Not much, really." I lowered my head near to the sink. I washed my face with cold, relaxing water. It felt good.

"I see." She smiled and finally said, "Go down when you're good." I just nodded.

As I stared at my reflection, I realized something but I tried to smile anyway.

How could I hate the world when it's already dead to me?

I brushed it off. No. I will not let my messed up mind get the best of me.