Insipired (chasing sunset☀)

Chapter two👑

              <A QUARTERBACK?>

"So Queen, I need you to maintain a one minute eye contact with me. Think you can do that?", doctor Brenda asked while we were sitted opposite each other.

"I do not think I can do that". I replied truthfully.

"Let's see you try, shall we? You change a lot of things if you do this. Come on", she encouraged, taking my both hands, she looked straight into my eyeballs and I adjusted uncomfortably in my seat.

     I shut my eyes closed for a second and opened them back, taking up the challenge.

"Good", she smiled supportively. "Now I want you to bring up a conversation- anything," she suggested.

"I have nothing to say."

"OK. My name is Brenda. Nice to meet you... Do you want to tell me about-"

     I looked away sharply, giving up. "It is pointless. I cannot do it."

"Not until I say you cannot!" She snapped. "Queen, cases like yours are very rare, but you do not have to give up."

"You are counting your words because you are talking me. You do not have to do that?"

"No. Am not. At least not since we met."

     I glanced at her. "I have never said 'I love you' to my mother. For me to feel and cannot express, do you not think that it is frustrating? I feel so empty. I do not have a classification. I cannot even hold a gaze or lock eyes with anyone without being nervous. I cannot utter a word without counting. My face screams 'Robot', but then my subconscious is doing something else, like am two in one". I expressed endlessly in a nonchalant way.

     She sighed. "You don't have to say a word if you don't feel it. Second, you don't owe anyone an explanation of why you can't express your feelings. And for the locking eyes and counting of words, we'll work on that, I promise," she assured softly. "Your mum understands you better than anyone, and I don't know how you feel but I get it. I do."

    I just stared at her, immobile.

     She glanced at her wristwatch, and stood up. "Honey, I have to go. Call me okay? If you need a listening ear." She said and patted my left shoulder. I just wish she did not have to leave.

                        * * * * * *

     I heard a loud knock on the door and stood up to go and answer it. "Am coming right away", I opened the door and my mummy stood in the doorpost. "Good evening mummy." I welcomed her.

     She walked in tiredly. "Good evening baby. How did your therapy with doctor Brenda go today?" She asked, sinking into the sofa and loosening her tie.

     I sat down beside her. "Bad."

    She turned to stare at me quickly. "Why? What happened?"

    I shrugged, "I do not know."

"Okay". She accepted without an argument. "What are you watching?" she pointed to the TV.

"The usual. My program." I answered, stuffing a lot of popcorn in my mouth.

     She stood up, yawning. "Make sure you go to bed. And I mean early OK?"

"OK. I will". I stuffed more popcorn into my mouth.

                         * * * * * *

     Well, for a start am proud to be me. I will never pretend to be another. You hate me? Guess what?.. I don't care. Am not in a competition with anyone cuz am trying to be a better me.