Still - h.s (au)

Chapter 28

Harry

October 1944

I have been fighting in this bloody war for more than four years now.

 Four years of my life I will never get back.

Four years that I have had my life put on hold so I could defend and fight for my country. And even though I was fighting for my country, I was fighting in a war created by someone else. While they were at home comfortably I and the rest of the soldiers on both parts were risking their lives.

I have risked my life so many times, more than what I can count, but yet I am still here.

Hurt but alive.

The time I spent in Burma was one of the hardest in my life, not only because of the difficulty of the job, as it was very hard to fight in that weather and conditions, but mostly because of her.

It has been almost three years since I have last heard from her.

I have to admit that at the beginning I simply thought that the letters were taking longer than usual to get to me, or that perhaps they had got lost on their way. It was something very common to happen in this war, so I kept sending her several letters hoping that she was going to write back to me. Maybe apologising for taking so long to write to me but finish by saying that she loved me.

But that letter never came.

My second immediate thought was that something bad had happened to her in the middle of the desert. My reaction was to leave everything I was doing and find her. My superiors did not let me do that as expected, but I was determined to simply leave and find the love of my life no matter what. Those two months where I didn't have any news from her were probably the hardest in my life. Not knowing if she was dead or alive, if the was healthy or if she needed me.

Then, one day back in the early summer of 1942 I got a letter back from her and I was thrilled when I received it. But soon enough I got disappointed, it was a very short one, nothing like my Grace would do. Grace loved to send long letters, explaining everything in detail, but nonetheless this letter was pretty self-explanatory.

Harry,

Please stop contacting me. Our relationship was a mistake, and I deserve someone better than you and you know that. I'm sorry things have to end this way.

I wish you all the best in your life.

Truthfully,

Grace.

Of course I wrote her back, telling that I didn't believe her words not even a little. But I never heard from her again, it was as if she had disappeared.

How was it possible that her opinion had changed so fast? When we said goodbye, we had promised that we would find a way to get back to each other, and we would live together until we died of old age. And now that was nothing but a distant dream, because I found out that my Grace didn't care that much for me as I thought. All the loving words and I love you's that we shared were nothing but a lie.

How could she have me fooled like this?

I was so dumb to believe that I had a chance with a girl like her.

But she taught me that this was the reality in the harshest way possible, and I would never be a fool again. I would never let anyone have my heart again and I certainly would not give myself to someone as I did with Grace. She had my body and soul, I was hers and she was mine.

Well, at least that's what I thought.

"Man, are you coming? They have launched an attack on the other regiment, they need all the help they can get." I am awakened from my thoughts by Ben, who is standing at the entrance of our tent holding his rifle.