Bite My Tongue (A Big Time Rush, boyxboy Love Story)

Chapter Nine

Carlos wasn't sure what to expect from Kendall, since he saw James and Logan kissing. Carlos thought that Kendall would be freaking out, because one of his best friends was kissing someone of the same sex. But the truth was Kendall was extreme calm about it, maybe too calm if you asked Carlos. And that scared him, because he knew the blond leader and Kendall was never this calm about something that he wasn't expecting. And so, when Carlos pulled Kendall away from Logan and James, he asked the blond what was up.

"Carlos, being friends with Logan made me realize that there's nothing wrong with gays." Kendall said, his voice hinting that there was something else because Kendall was a terrible liar.

"What else is there, Kendall? You and I both know that you're a bad liar." Carlos said.

"I – uh – may have already known that James likes guys…" Kendall said, "Besides, one guy can't honestly be that into his looks, unless he was gay."

Carlos laughed at Kendall's explanation, because he knew that it was true. "I guess that's true."

XxX

Logan stood there awkwardly once Kendall and Carlos walked out of the room. James wasn't sure what to take of Logan actually kissing him first; it was always James who kissed Logan, not the other way around. And James thought that Logan didn't know he was gay yet, but seeing the way Logan had kissed him made James realize just how much Logan actually liked him; which made James smile.

But Logan wasn't thinking that he liked guys. He was thinking about the look that was on Kendall's face when he had been pulled out of the room. It didn't show any signs of disgust or disapproval or anything that Logan had expected. Instead, Kendall's face showed slight depression, maybe disappointment; and Logan wasn't sure why. Kendall knew that Logan liked guys, but not James. And Logan knew that Kendall wouldn't feel disappointment with James liking guys, but disgust; and that definitely not what was written on Kendall's face.

The worst thing about this situation was that Logan had actually enjoyed kissing James, in Logan's mind at least. And. Honestly, Logan didn't think that he would be able to handle liking guys.
Mostly because Logan felt betrayed by him for letting it happen, because – even though everyone else thinks he likes guys – he wasn't ready to come to terms with them being right. He didn't want to have to get things worse with Brian. He didn't want to have to go to his mother and tell her that she may not end up getting children because he wanted to date guys instead of girls; because no one wanted to hear that they wouldn't be getting grandchildren from their own kids, no matter how open minded they were.

"Logie? Are you okay?" James' voice rang out in the overly too quiet room.

"Uh, yeah…" Logan said, "I think that I should be getting home, though."

"Right, right. Okay, yeah." James said, his voice betraying him with showing the disappointment that he had. "I'll drive you home, if you want."

"No, no. I think I can get home by myself just fine." Logan said, quickly grabbing his shirt from the floor and leaving.

XxX

Logan had completely forgotten how he got here. He hardly remembered getting the call from Jett, and he couldn't remember for the life of him how he got to the party Jett told him about. These kinds of parties weren't Logan's thing; mostly because Logan didn't like drinking. But Logan showed up, and the only thing that was on his mind was James and the kiss that he had initiated. And. Honestly, Logan didn't like thinking that he wanted the kiss to happen over and over again, or go further than they had been. So, Logan had grabbed the drink that Jett offered to him and downed it in one gulp. On the way down, however, the alcohol burned his throat, and Logan wasn't sure if he could handle anymore. But Jett was shoving another one his way and Logan could stop himself from snatching it from him and throwing it down his throat, just like the first.