ACT ONE | SCENE SIX . 2

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JEREMY
You look like Keanu Reeves.

THE SQUIP
My default mode. You can also set me for:
Sean Connery.
Jack Nicholson.
Sexy Anime Female.

Rich snorted, "Jeremy'th a weaboo." (How tf do you spell it??)

"ShUt Up!"

JEREMY
Keanu's fine. Can everyone see you?

THE SQUIP
I exist only in your mind. All they see is you, having an animated conversation, with yourself. So don't do that. Just think at me. Like you're telepathic.

JEREMY
Like in X-Men?

"Nerd." Michael laughed.

THE SQUIP
I can see this is going to be difficult.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Michael says, sitting up, out of Jeremy's embrace.

You want to be more chill.

JEREMY
You mean cool.

THE SQUIP
I do not.

Jade laughed at how blunt the line is said.

You see, human social activity is governed by rules and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you.

"Be More Chill"

THE SQUIP
TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS
ARCH YOUR BACK, PUFF OUT YOUR CHEST
ADD SOME SWAGGER TO YOUR GATE OR
YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A MASTURBATOR
FIX YOUR POSTURE, THEN THE REST

Michael looks concerned and upset.

JEREMY
But I am a masturbator-

"Ew! Jeremy, no! TMI!" Christine said, disgusted.

THE SQUIP
We'll fix that.
ALL YOUR NERDINESS IS UGLY

"What the hell..." Michael mutters angrily. Jeremy looks at him, worryingly.

JEREMY
I thought I was more of a geek-

THE SQUIP
ALL YOUR STAMMERING'S A CHORE

JEREMY
Wh-wh-what?

THE SQUIP
YOUR TICS AND FIDGETS ARE PERSISTENT
AND YOUR CHARM IS NON-EXISTENT
FIX YOUR VIBE, THEN FIX SOME MORE

(He catches JEREMY trying to stick his hands in his pockets.)

BUH

JEREMY
WHA?

THE SQUIP
BUH

JEREMY
WHA?

THE SQUIP
NO

JEREMY
AAH!

THE SQUIP
STOP

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