Star Wars: Secret of The Force

Chapter 10

Four Years Ago

I looked around at the burning ruins. I knew I shouldn't, but I hated the burning building and the field of scrap metal. I turned and saw my master approaching. Orion was a crafty Mon Calamari Jedi. Like me, he favoured a blue Lightsaber. "Your feelings betray you padawan... embrace the force, focus, or if that fails, perhaps talking will help" he said, with what equalled a smile. I sighed. I may have only been fifteen, but I had a maturity greater than many my age. It probably had come from fighting in the Clone Wars. "Doesn't any of this bother you?" I asked. I could sense my master's sadness, much as he tried to shake those feelings off. "Like you padawan, I find this whole conflict very distasteful" he answered. I looked over at the Militia my master chose to lead instead of clones. I knew there were others on the planet. As for the world we were on, Hypori was burning. The planet was mostly made up of rocky landscapes, small oceans, and a few small cities built fairly recently. Clones were on the surface as well, Orion had said they were on the other side of the city. "The workers and civilians?" I asked. This was always the worst part, hearing just how many innocents had been killed. Oriion sighed. "Some injuries, but not too many that are critical, and not too serious..." he replied. I sighed with relief. "Come, the men and women may rest, as will the clones, but we are Jedi, and it is time for your instruction to continue!" Orion ordered. I made my way to a courtyard in the city, covered with plantlife and a fountain. The CIS forces had surrendered so such a beautiful sight could be spared from destruction. Orion and I both ignited our Lightsabers. We both saluted. "Mimic my movements, rushing will not help you, be slower if you must, it is better to be slow and thoughtful than be too fast and slip into error" he instructed. Orion took me through the basics of Form Four: Ataru. I started slow, and eventually, Orion and I both straightened now that the warm up was complete. We saluted again. "We'll start slow Padawan" he said, kindly. We started to duel, calmly, slowly, only picking up speed when Orion instructed that we do so. I blocked, parried, attacked, all at his instruction. "Now I'm going to stop announcing my intentions, allow your mind to relax, become in tune with the force" he instructed. I smiled, closing my eyes briefly as I tried to center myself in the force. I sensed my master's strike and blocked, and we engaged in a training duel. I kept my eyes closed, as long as I could, but eventually I panicked and opened my eyes. I'd lost my atonement with the force. I quickly blocked several of my master's incoming strikes. His eyes were still closed, but had known mine were open for several instances. I braced myself for more attacks, but was surprised when he stopped. "You need to center yourself Czar, if you cannot focus, you will never achieve the rank of Jedi Knight!" he said firmly. I returned to the ready position, but Orion shook his head. "Master?" I asked. Orion shook his head. "No, that is enough for the day, come, we will rest, and you can ask your questions" he said. We saluted again, and deactivated our Lightsabers.

After a few hours back at the camp, I meditated. I didn't do it as much as my master. I tried hard to focus, but I knew eventually it was a lost cause. I freed myself from my meditation, and went over to where some of the soldiers were sitting and talking. One of them, whom I had nicknamed Strife, cause he strived to annoy me with his jokes and teasing, spoke. "You ok kid? Orion got you training hard?" I nodded, a small smile on my face. Annoying as he could be, Strife was a good friend. Jun Sato, my master's commander, spoke next. "Your master might not be happy if you do not continue with your meditation..." he says, but kindly. Strife punched Sato playfully. "Lay off commander, the kids had a long day, let him join us..." he said, and Sato sighed, nodding with a small grin on his usually serious face. I started to eat the meal the group had around their fire. I reached out with the force and could sense the clones through the force. They didn't have a Jedi General with them. Orion had agreed to lead a Clone battalion. When I asked what unit, I had been told it was the three twenty second attack team. We'd worked with them before. I must have been staring into space, because Sato spoke, and Strife nudged me. "What? Sorry..." I said. Sato smiled again. "I was asking if you knew when this conflict would end... my brother wants to have a son when all this is over! I intend to survive so I can meet him and he can know his family" he said. I shrugged. "I wouldn't know, but I'm happy for you commander" I replied. I retreated deep into my thoughts again, dwelling on my own family. Strife must have noticed. "Hey, Sato, you know the kid feels like he doesn't belong when you bring up family... he's a Jedi, they were taken before they ever knew their families!" he said, nudging Commander Sato none too gently. "Oh, no its fine, don't worry commander, my thoughts were on other things" I said quickly. "And some jedi knew their families Strife, Anakin Skywalker knew his Mother before joining the order, Count Dooku met his sister and the rest of his family before he left the Jedi Order." The man shrugged. It was clear that it was only me, Strife and Sato talking. The rest of the group were doing their own thing. "As a general rule though Jun" Strife said. Sato held up his hands in surrender. I knew Strife was about to make some kind of joke, when I heard Orion's voice. "Having your thoughts dwell on family is something many Jedi struggle with padawan" he said as he sat down to join us. I sighed. "Even for you master?" I asked. Orion thought over his answer as he chewed, then nodded. "All beings desire to know where they come from, and to feel emotions that many Jedi wouldn't often approve of. Love for example, attachment, mourning when we lose someone we care for deeply?" he said. "All of these emotions are natural, and I do not agree with the Jedi Council that such things should not be shunned... they should be encouraged, to a degree at least" he explained. Strife and Sato listened keenly as well. Orion seemed to sense that I wasn't willing to continue the discussion, and left it alone. I changed the subject before the silence grew too long. "Two years in to this horrible war... and everyday I keep asking myself if its worth fighting..." Orion sighed. "You question your purpose in this war?" he asked. It seemed like he understood. I nodded. "I question a lot, maybe its just who I am, maybe I don't fully believe in the Jedi code, maybe I think that we did the wrong thing by getting involved and following the senate, but Master Yoda and the council trust the Chancellor, to a degree at least..." I answered. Orion nodded. "I understand, but be mindful padawan, asking questions is wise, but those who are wiser will strive to discover the answers as many should... not all Jedi can say that they would do that." I nodded and bowed my head in respect. "Thank you Master" I said. He bowed back, "You're welcome padawan" he replied. I thought over what Orion had said. Most of my questions involved more than just the Jedi and their place, it involved my very identity. I thought over what the answers could be. Orion always conducted these subtle tests. I knew I was being tested now, and thought over the answer. Orion believed in the Jedi, and therefore I logically should as well if I was interpreting the lesson correctly. The only problem for me was that I didn't. The other side of the debate was that the Jedi teachings were old. We believed so much in tradition that there was the concern we didn't believe in much else. I didn't agree with either group completely. For me, being a Jedi meant helping people and following tradition, believing in the senate when it was needed. It also meant that we really needed evolve. I looked to the pros and cons of each side. I knew I wasn't going to get the answer quickly, but I had started to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I finished eating, and then took out my Lightsaber and stared. Orion considered me. "Czar, I have always told you that I will never take it personally if you feel that the Jedi path is not for you" he said kindly. I nodded. This much was true. "Have you ever thought about walking away from the order? Taking your Lightsaber, travelling as a bounty hunter who only went after criminals for example?" I asked. Orion thought for a few moments. "Maybe, but I think it all depends on the Individual instead of the group" he replied. I shrugged. "So what would you do if you left the Order?" I asked. Orion considered this, almost as if the Mon Calamari was thinking about it for the first time. "I'd become a scientist, trying to prove my theories and find evidence for them. The other option though, is to become the protector of my homeworld" he answered. "What would you do?" I thought it over. "Travel the stars, maybe become a Bounty Hunter if I got bored" I replied, shrugging. Orion smiled again. "Despite what we both may think of the Jedi, it would be difficult for us to walk away from the order, or the problems of the galaxy when we have been brought up to help those in need Padawan" he explained. I thought over this. "What if those in need don't want our help? What if they don't trust the Jedi or believe in the force?" I asked. Orion shrugged. "Does that mean you wouldn't help them? That they are less deserving of our aid?" he asked. I sighed, irritated at my Master's vague reply, then answered. "No master... I never said that..." I muttered. Orion laughed. "No, but you were thinking it... you want people to believe in the force and the Jedi because you believe in them. Your Emotions betray you Czar! Just because we don't say something doesn't mean we aren't thinking it!" he tapped his head. "What am I thinking now Padawan?" he asked. I closed my eyes, concentrated and tried to find an answer to his question. "You're thinking of your home... the water, but it goes deeper! You're thinking about The Force, and the thing you've been searching for." I sensed Orion smile. Strife whistled. "Wow, you thought of all that? Don't go looking inside my mind, I'm a complicated guy, and I doubt my friends or family would approve" Strife joked. I sighed and opened my eyes. Orion shot a look of interest to the Captain, however he said nothing. "Despite his joking Padawan, you are correct" he said, and then smiled at Strife. "Master... would you leave the order...? Be honest, do you think that being a Jedi is who you're meant to be?" I asked. I had debated asking the question for two years, and finally decided it was time to ask. Orion thought for a few moments. "Let us use a scenario" he said. "You're on a planet, you meet someone and become friends. Later, you and your friend happen across a gang attacking someone. Your friend tells you that this person is a thief and killer, and this beating is punishment from a group of people who took the law into their own hands and the local law enforcement did nothing; would you turn your back and walk away and leave the man to be beaten? Maybe killed?" asked my master. I shook my head quickly. "No, but that's different, that man was a criminal" I said. Orion sighed; I had clearly missed something. "So in your mind he deserves to die? You would allow that angry group to become like the man they hate so much?" he asked. I shrugged. "He might have killed their families, friends" I argued. Orion tapped his head in thought again. "But how do you know that? How do you know he didn't kill someone to protect his family?" he asked. I finally understood, and answered. "No... no one knows anything for certain" I said. Orion nodded. "Can you say for certain that you know what you would do if you weren't a Jedi? Can you say for certain that you would be happy with your other path?" he asked. I shook my head. "Exactly, I cannot say for certain that I would feel I'm on my right path if I left the Jedi Order" he replied. "So... no one ever knows for sure? And they don't think about it?" I asked. Orion shrugged. "I'm sure everyone thinks about it at some point in time. Perhaps the difference is most of our brothers and sisters in the Jedi Order feel that they are where they're meant to be!" he answered. I thought it over, and sighed. It didn't solve my identity crisis. I sat back, thought it over, and then went to sleep. Despite all that had been said, my secret nightmares haunted me. I woke with a start, unable to sleep, and once again thought about walking away from the order. I just wish I knew what was coming in about a year's time.