Star Wars: Secret of The Force

Chapter 25

Lena and I had been sat inside Organa's office for a few minutes when the door finally opened. In walked a Torgruta, roughly twenty years of age. I tried to recognise her, there had been a few Torgruta Jedi. She had clay orange skin, her headtails were still growing. As I studied her, I noticed what looked to be brand new Lightsabers. If she wasn't a Jedi, she had built them herself, which I found to be quite impressive. "Senator Organa asked me to speak to you both" she said. I nodded. "He wanted me to meet you, but I don't know your name..." I said. the Torgruta smiled. "That's true, you don't. My name is Ahsoka Tano" she said. I made no visible reaction, but I saw Lena jolt upright and stiffen. "You survived...?" I asked. She nodded. "It happened just after I left Mandalore with Maul as my prisoner..." she said. I nodded. "How did you survive?" she asked. I didn't answer, making clear I wasn't here for small talk. "What did Organa want you talk with me about?" I asked. Ahsoka shrugged. I knew of her reputation even though we hadn't known each other. "The Rebellion, and that you don't seem interested in joining it..." she said. I nodded. "I assume he told you that my answer likely wasn't going to change?" I asked. Ahsoka didn't seem interested in pushing the issue. "Then what now? Finish whatever your mission is and try and disappear?" she asked. I nodded. "The Empire isn't everywhere, and you can vanish easily if you fit into the crowd" I replied. To my surprise, Ahsoka nodded. "That's your right, and we can try and help you with that" she said. I nodded my thanks. "Is there somewhere you and I can talk alone?" I asked. Ahsoka nodded, and led me to her private office, Lena stayed where she was. "Bail told me everything about her and her age..." she said when we entered and the door was shut. "Thank you for keeping her safe." I sighed. "Did he tell you she's Force Sensitive as well? She's strong in the force, The Empire haven't learned her identity yet!" I finally said. Ahsoka seemed much more interested. "No, he didn't, perhaps he was leaving that for you to tell me?" she speculated. I shrugged. "So, how does that relate to anything?" she asked. "She joined the rebellion because she was looking for revenge against the Empire. We both know that revenge is not the Jedi Way..." I said. Ahsoka nodded, quite interested. "So, by the Jedi code, you are now her master?" I shook my head. "No, and Lena isn't my padawan..." I said. I saw Ahsoka's eyebrow twitch upwards. "By the Jedi code if you found her, then she is to be your apprentice, unless she chooses to leave the Jedi order or until her training is completed, you are her master!" Ahsoka reminded me. "I know..." I said. "If she is to become a Jedi, she needs a better teacher than me... I am not going to be her Master!" Ahsoka sighed. "Can I ask why you refuse to train her?" she inquired politely. "I never completed my own training, and I don't believe she wants to be a Jedi for the right reasons. I also can't protect her if she's too busy chasing glory..." I said. Ahsoka nods. I could tell she understood, but she didn't agree. "You disapprove?" I asked. Ahsoka shook her head. "Not entirely, but I cannot teach her. As you are no doubt aware, I am no longer a Jedi" she said. I nodded. "We all heard the story of what happened, I won't make you tell it. You also don't have to train her to be a Jedi..." I said. "That is true, but Czar, listen to me... In my life, When someone needs help, you help them, no matter what" she said. I nodded. "I understand" was all I replied with. Ahsoka looked me up and down. "Does she have the tools to continue her journey?" she asked. I sighed. "She has a few holocrons and books from the Temple, but that's it" I said. I tried to study Ahsoka's reaction to my words. I didn't need the force to know that she felt I was walking away from a responsibility. I disagreed. "You believe that I should become her master?" Ahsoka asked. I shrugged. "Its not really my business if you do or not..." I said. Ahsoka's face hardened. "Why not?" she asked. I sighed. "It doesn't matter" I said and started to leave. Ahsoka reached out with the force, gripping on to me and holding me in place. "I'll only let you leave if you tell me the truth!" she said. I shook my head. "Its not important" I said simply. Ahsoka finally let me go, even though it was quite reluctantly. "I hope that you're correct" she said. "So, How old is Lena?" she asked. I didn't waste time. "Fourteen standard years old, she admitted as much to me and pilot who I travel with" I answered. "Organa didn't know, but did you?" I asked. Ahsoka shook her head. "No, I didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have let her join the rebellion or go on missions..." she said. I considered it. "I see, so what happens next?" I asked. To her credit, Ahsoka didn't take long to reply. "We pull her from active duty, make her go through retraining and Rebel Leaders decide if she is suitable to go back to field work. If she's not, Senator Organa will have her made a citizen of Alderaan and placed with a good family" she said. I nodded. "Then at least she still has options, I'd also recommend some form of psychotherapy, she carries a lot of guilt" I said. Ahsoka seemed interested. "I'll make it happen" she promised. I nodded my thanks. "You're not the only one who's ever had doubts you know..." I heard Ahsoka say as I was about to leave. I stopped and sighed, finally sitting down. "Doubts? I know. What if I never believed in the Jedi Order as a whole?" I asked instead. Ahsoka nodded in understanding. "Then why do you act like one?" she asked. I shrugged. "Its like you said, when someone needs help, you help them no matter what... its all I've ever known!" I said. once again, Ahsoka nodded, and smiled. I sighed. "How do you do it? Live on another path?" I asked. For a while, I wondered if Ahsoka was going to answer. "That depends, why didn't you rise up until now? Why wouldn't you do what a Jedi should?" asked Ahsoka. I thought it over. "Because I was selfish, because I was angry, because I felt regret, because I failed to save my master..." I said, feeling tears start to form in my eyes. "I felt like the Jedi Order had let me down! Eventually I let go of my Jedi past, and I felt proud to do so..." I said. Ahsoka waited for me to continue. When I didn't, she spoke. "So in other words, you have lived?" she asked. I nodded. "I suppose so..." I said. Ahsoka smiled kindly at me. "Now you have an insight into how others in the galaxy can feel at their lowest..." she said. it wasn't a rebuke, but something comforting. "Did you go through it?" I asked. She shook her head. "No, but it was different for me because I left voluntarily as I'm sure you know..." she said. I nodded. "So why join the Rebellion?" I asked again. I watched Ahsoka think over her answer. "Because I believe in it, because I stood by for too long while innocent beings suffered throughout the galaxy. It takes time to get your will back after losing everything you've ever known. I understand that..." she said. I nodded. "Why the Lightsabers if you're not a Jedi?" I asked. Ahsoka shrugged. "Because they're a symbol, to many throughout the galaxy. Even if I am not a Jedi I still recognise that symbol. They are also quite useful if I need to defend myself or others" the former jedi explained. I nodded. "That makes sense..." I said. "Regardless of all this, my time as Jedi is over, I don't deserve the title, I can't even keep myself safe let alone others!" I spoke the words calmly, but inside, I was close to panicking. Just as the door almost opened, Ahsoka made her proposal. "What if I taught you? I can teach you to save others, it doesn't have to be as a Jedi, the choice is yours!" she said. I thought over the offer. "I'm not even able to allow the force to flow through me properly, every time I've tried, I've panicked, I got scared. My master was one of the greatest Jedi of the age, and not even he could help me!" I said. Ahsoka didn't seem to too concerned. "We will always struggle with something" she pointed out. I nodded. "True..." I said. when I said nothing further, Ahsoka changed the subject. "Will Lena come back to us willingly?" she asked. I shrugged. "She's stubborn and reckless, but if she thinks something is for her best interests, she'll come back to you willingly..." I said. Ahsoka smiled. "If she's stubborn and reckless, then she's like some of the greatest Jedi I ever knew" she said with a smile. I smiled back for the first time. "True" I said. "If you do take Lena as your student, then she'll have brilliant teacher" I added. "Would I be as great a teacher as you?" Ahsoka asked. "She must want you as her mentor for a reason, have you considered what that could be?" she asked. I shook my head. "If the Jedi order still existed, I don't think she'd want me as her teacher" I said. Ahsoka shrugged. "Don't think, feel, and then explain to me what you feel" Ahsoka said simply. I sighed, realising I had stumbled into a lesson, but did it anyway. I allowed myself to search my feelings. I felt the sense of loss that I had carried for so long, the pain of the galaxy. I also felt blocked. "My Mind feels blocked, and I feel like now the galaxy knows I'm a Jedi there's too much pressure on me... I feel like Lena has also put that pressure on me..." I said. "I'm afraid that if I train her, I will fail, and that frightens me!" Ahsoka nodded. "So, now you know what you feel, how will you act?" asked Ahsoka. I sighed. "I don't know, I've yet to figure that part out..." I said. "That is indeed the hardest part..." Ahsoka said. "You must think I don't deserve to be a Jedi..." I said after a short time. "No, I think that like all beings, you've learned that no matter how deep your beliefs you doubt yourself..." she replied. I sighed. "Do they ever go away?" I asked. Ahsoka laughed. "If they went away would you truly be living?" she asked. I shook my head. "I guess not..." I said. Ahsoka smiled. "Then you have learned the most important lesson life can offer: How to accept that nothing easy nor simple. You'll always struggle with your doubts..." she said. I nodded in acceptance. "Ahsoka... good luck with Lena" I said. Ahsoka nodded, but had a sad look. It wasn't for her, but for Lena. "So that's how you're going to leave? Without telling Lena goodbye?" she asked. I sighed, and nodded. "Its best for everyone that way" I said. With the conversation over, I stood and left. Lena still had my Master's Lightsaber, but I had only a single thought regarding that. Let the past die, kill it if you have to, I thought. With all said and done, I disembarked the ship for what I thought to be the last time, and I didn't look back!