Here's the thing about depression, It sucks!

𝖤𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝖾𝗇~ Ordinary and feeling worthless.

Meredith's Pov

Three days ago my mother was admitted iti the hospital. She had figured out Derek and I were together and she reprimanded me. By the way, she's lucid.

"Tell me about yourself" She said.

"Well" I said as I nervously clapped my hands together.

She met out a chuckle. "What's your life like?" She asked. "I really do want to know you Meredith" she added.

"Well I have a boyfriend" I said

"Does he understand the demands of your career? Because not all men do, they say they do up from but they—" she asked.

"He's great, he's a doctor too so he gets it" I said.

"Good" She said.

"He's actually—" I started.

"Have you chosen a specialty?" She asked.

"No, it's still early" I responded.

"Cristina's already chosen Cardio Thoracic's"

"Yeah, well I guess I'm just waiting to be inspired" I said. Her face dropped. "I'm happy now, I feel like I know who I am, plus I think when you have someone in your life that you love you really love, I think that's. I don't know, I'm really happy" I added.

"What happened to you?" She asked sternly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're happy? You're happy now?" Her voice broke. "The Meredith I knew was a force of nature, passionate, focused, a fighter, what happened to you? You've gone soft! Stammering about a boyfriend and saying you're waiting to be inspired, you're waiting for inspiration? Are you kidding me!" She yelled. " I have a disease for which there is no cure, I think that would be inspiration enough" she stated.

"Mom?"

"Listen to me Meredith, anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy, but not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life!" She said. " I raised you to be an extraordinary woman, so imagine my disappointment when I wake up after five years and discover you are no more than ordinary!" She yelled harshly. Tears threatened to fall but I didn't let them. "What happened to you!" She yelled. I got up and walked out of the room.

"Dr.Grey?" Addison asked. I ignored her. She ran up to me and grabbed my arm. "Don't ignore your superior when they speak to you" She said.

"Sorry" I said weakly.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm no more than ordinary, that's what's wrong" I finally let the tears fall from my eyes. I pulled away from her and walked to the locker room.

"Meredith!" She called. I just continued walking.

Lyrics:

(I'm always so alone even when surrounded
By people that I know, I'm always so astounded
By my ability to ruin everything
Losin' friends and starting fires, everyone thinks I'm a liar

I always stay at home 'cause I'm not good in public
I sit here on my phone, I'm always disappointed
I watch them live their lives, I wish that I were happy
Victim of my generation, time machines can not erase it

Who am I supposed to be? When will I be complete?
When will they be proud of me? It's getting harder to see

Slit my wrists, bloody fists, questioning why I exist
Pain persists, evil gifts, fucking up my life to shit
I'm worthless, I'm worthless
I'm worthless, slit my wrists until I bleed out)

Word count: 552